The New China Etiquette - An e-publication by Chinese American Etiquette Association

Do the ratings on movies, music, television shows and video games really matter?

2007-03-25T18:25:00.000-07:00

by Richard Cohen, Vice President, Education of Childtime Learning Centers and Tutor Time Learning Centers.

Dear Families,

The answer to this question lies in understanding how our minds work, especially when we are children. Imagine that the human mind is like a computer or a filing cabinet. It organizes everything - every object, every person, every experience - from the moment we are born (perhaps, even before) into endless files within countless folders.

Our minds are designed to help us make sense of the world around us. They do this by creating folders (educators call them “schemas”). Imagine that every single thing you have encountered in your life is a folder in your head. For example you might have folders called “pencil,” ‘light,” “mom,” “dog,” “men,” “Aunt Sue,” “table” “red,” “three,” “Wyoming” and on and on. Each encounter you have provides new information to add to a folder. So, for example, in your “pencil” folder, you have gathered pieces of data over the years like “a pencil is for writing,” “most pencils are made of wood,” “I like pencils better than pens because they can erase my mistakes” and millions more, just about a minor topic like pencils.

Your mind does two important things with all that information – it sorts and it classifies. Sorting helps you differentiate between things so that, as a silly example, you do not mistakenly eat a pencil. Sorting helps you stop at a red light and go at a green light. Your mind also decides what is “normal” based, in part, on the amount of information sorted in each of your mental folders. In short, the more we experience something, the more normal it seems to us.

When young children are exposed to images of sex or violence before they are developmentally ready to understand them, they amass an unhealthy amount of information in these “folders” about what is normal. The result is that in contemporary society, disturbingly, we see so many young girls who want to dress like a teenager and so many little boys who seem obsessed with fighting and shooting.

So, please pay attention to ratings. Cognitively speaking, they matter very much. They help you to be aware of what your children are experiencing, what images they are seeing and to what music lyrics they are listening. Each of these adds up over time.

Most importantly, be aware of what you say and do around them. The information they get from watching and listening to you carries more weight than most any other. Fill your child’s mental folders with files about love, kindness, joy, fun, learning, responsibility and respect.

Next month, we will take a look at the other primary function of our minds - “classifying” or adding value judgements - as we explore another difficult cognitive question, “How do people learn to be sexist or racist?”

Until next time,

Richard Cohen, M.A.
Vice President, Education

P.S. If you would like to respond to anything you read, have parenting questions or child development topics that you’d like to see explored in future issues of this monthly newsletter, please E-mail me at rcohen@tutortime.com. I’d love to hear from you!

(Note: the article here is part one of "Understanding how your child’s mind works" and the part two "How do people learn to be sexist or racist?" will be in the CAEA April newsletter.)

She didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all my fault

2007-02-15T08:05:00.000-08:00

-by Pearl Lin Ulrich

I was in the drive-through lane ready to pick up my daughter after school. All the friendly faces and the hustle and bustle were familiar other than my daughter, Ally. Instead of chatting with her friends like she normally did, she was sobbing. “What’s wrong, Sweetie?” I got out of the car and rushed to her side. “Andrew kicked me on my knee.” She was all tears. “Andrew? Andrew who?” There were quite a few Andrew in school. “Andrew Donaldson.” I was more shocked than angry when I heard that name.

I had lived in my city long enough to know the Donaldson’s was politically powerful. The boy’s grandpa was a state assemblyman and his father was a councilman. During the last election season, Andrew Donaldson was on a campaign commercial for his grandpa on TV, and became quite a celebrity in the community.

“Why did he kick you?” I asked. “For no reason.” He came to me, kicked me on my knee, and said ‘I just like to kick girls’ and ran away.” Ally was so hurt that her voice trembled. I soon confirmed the incident with other students and the traffic guard. Andrew was nowhere to be seen at that point. I checked Ally’s knee really well, she didn’t have a broken bone, but her knee was swollen. I knew I had to do something, but what and how? I thought I would avoid the confrontation with Andrew’s parents by just talking to Ally’s teacher the next day and let her convey the message to them. After all, I was a little concern about how this politically powerful family will react.

My husband came home late that night. He had a different point of view after I told him what had happened. He said “I would have called Andrew’s parents right away. If our kids did something wrong at school, we would like to be informed right away, wouldn’t we? It takes a whole village to raise a child; we are as responsible for others’ children as for ours. We need to let other parents know about their kids’ inappropriate behavior; we are doing the society a favor by doing that.” That was quite a new concept for me. Growing up, my parents had always discouraged tattletale; you don’t weigh in others’ business unless it happens under your roof. But I suddenly realized that my passive action in this case was not only failing to protect my own child but also selfish in terms of not regarding the action of others’ child as a personal responsibility. It was already late at that time, so I decided to call Andrew’s parents first thing in the morning.

Ally was still limping in the morning; I decided to keep her home. Looked into the phone book, I found the Donaldson’s number. “Hello, this is David.” the councilman sounded friendly. I briefly introduced myself and asked him if he knew about the incident happened yesterday. “No, I didn’t know that… Are they friends?” He probably thought maybe they were playing around. “Mr. Donaldson, even friends shouldn’t hurt one another.” I said. “You are right and I am sorry…can I have my wife, Lisa, call you back? She’s in the shower right now but will call you back shortly.”

Lisa Donaldson called back in ten minutes; she apologized and insisted to come over to my house with Andrew right away. I told her it was not necessary and Andrew would be late for school if he came now. She said it was very important for them to come, and basically “begged” me to give them couple minutes.

Ten minutes later, they showed up at my door, both with red, teary eyes. It was obvious that they had a very serious talk on their way here. “Andrew, what are you going to say to Mr. and Mrs. Ulrich?” Lisa demanded firmly. I was waiting to hear his side of the story, and thought perhaps Ally had said or done something to provoke him. Andrew looked at us first, and then took a deep breath to look at the ceiling as though if he looked somewhere else his tears would fall and he talked in a well-coached manner: “Mr. and Mrs. Ulrich, I am very sorry for hurting Ally. She didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all my fault.”

I was surprised that he didn’t’ defend himself at all; I was so touched, this boy with tears in his eyes, not only showed his sorry sincerely, but also took the full responsibility for what he had done. I thought of George Washington and his cherry tree, the courage, honesty and integrity he possessed as a child. I thought of some of the Chinese saints who had an amazing mother teaching them important lessons at young age. I knew I had to give Lisa credit, she had coached Andrew what to say and showed him how disappointed and upset she was for his inconsiderate action. I wanted to give this boy a hug and told him it was ok, but before I did that, my husband said to him: “What you did was not ok, but we appreciate you coming here to make things right.” Andrew promised that it would never happen again and he also apologized to Ally and asked how her knee was. Ally said she was feeling better. I could tell she was feeling a lot better by just getting the apology from Andrew.

As I watched them leave, I suddenly understood how the Donaldsons had gained their respect from the community. It was their principle and discipline that brought them power. How they raised their children says a lot about their family and how they handled a situation like this demonstrates the family’s integrity and leadership skills. I had no doubt about their political status would stay strong, but more importantly I felt lucky to have this family in my community and to represent people in my city.

I have ever since taught my kids that whenever they make a mistake, admit it, apologize from their hearts, remember their mistake so they don’t make the same mistake again and move on. People respect you more when you take the responsibility rather than making excuses, and people do forgive you-- if you are sincere.

Gift giving customs between Chinese and American cultures

2007-02-15T08:00:00.000-08:00

-by Pearl Lin Ulrich

It’s the time of a year to give gifts again! Having lived on both sides of the pacific, I find it interesting to compare gift giving customs between Chinese and American cultures.

Chinese people give money as a gift for almost every occasion—from celebrating birth to a condolence at a funeral. If a physical gift is given, it’s normally with large monetary value. Chinese people think a pricy gift will not only please the recipient but also make themselves look good. Americans think “it’s the thought that counts”, gifts might not be expensive, but full of special thoughts which could be a combination of creativity, thoughtfulness and sense of humor from a gift giver. When my daughter was born in Taiwan, my American husband was very surprised at how much gold jewelry she received as gifts, and they were not even from close friends or relatives. He thought people were far too generous. At my grandfather-in-law’s 80th surprise birthday party which was also the first birthday party I attended after coming to the US, people surprised him at a banquet room on a university campus and he was all tears. I was so touched that I cried too. The friend that put the party together asked no gifts from the guests but instead had people write about their special memories with grandpa and provide a picture they had with grandpa, she then put everything nicely in a scrapbook, and gave it to grandpa at the party as his gift. Grandpa read the scrapbook, he laughed and laughed, he was so happy and that was when I realized that money couldn’t buy everything and the best gift should come from the heart.

When receiving a present, Americans open it in front of gift givers to show how much they appreciate the gift while Chinese prefer to open presents without the presence of gift givers. I coached my kids at early age to take time opening a present, appreciate it and thank the gift giver sincerely no matter what. I’ve seen kids opening presents and said “Oh, no, I don’t need anymore clothes!”, “Oh, I already have this toy”, “Books again?!” The ungrateful comments will not only hurt people’s feeling but also make the occasion really awkward. At times, I think kids should open presents without the presence of gift givers unless they have been well coached.

An American will ask what you or your child wants as a gift for a special occasion, and it’s ok to mention a gift within a reasonable price range when asked. Chinese don’t feel comfortable asking for what they want, and it is considered rude to even ask for a present. Nowadays, Americans are big on gift registry. They register at department stores or specialty stores for their weddings, showers, graduations and even birthdays. The recipients get exactly what they want and at the same time, saving gift givers the guess work. However the thoughts that used to be special about gift giving and the surprise of opening a present are lost.

Some Chinese people are superstitious so there are certain things that you want to avoid giving as gifts, like a clock. “Giving a clock” in Chinese sounds like “Farewell at the death bed”. Giving a knife symbolizes cutting off a relationship and giving an umbrella will cause separation. You also don’t want to give a male friend a green hat, because that means his wife is cheating on him! When giving money as a gift to Chinese people, even numbers are preferred with exception of four which sounds like death in Chinese. Six and eight are the lucky numbers. For celebration, you want to put the money in a red envelope; for a condolence, use a white envelope instead with money that ends with a odd number.

There are no real taboos on gift giving for Americans, but it’s always a good idea to know the person well and be sensitive. For example, you don’t want to give someone with weight problems something that says “low fat” or “low calorie”, your good intention could be offensive. Don’t give people fragrant products if they have sensitive skin or allergy problems. Be aware of people’s religion; don’t give alcohol or caffeinated products to Mormons. Not quite sure what to give for your American friends? Ask them! Gift cards or certificates to their favorite stores or restaurants are usually safe.

Gift giving is a form of art. What you give as a gift projects your recipient’s character and reflects your taste. At this season, give thoughtfully and receive gratefully.

Happy holidays!!

The Story of Chinese New Year

2007-02-15T07:55:00.000-08:00

- by Bing Wei

The Chinese New Year celebration dates back to 2697 BC, when the ancient tradition marking the end of winter and beginning of spring. The start of the New Year is determined according to the Chinese Lunar calendar, a system created to measure time based on the moon cycle. That is why the Chinese New Year is also called the Lunar New Year or Spring Festival in China. Often the first day of the Lunar New Year falls into January or February of the Gregorian calendar.

Many Asians cultures celebrate the lunar New Year as well as the Chinese. The Vietnamese call it Tet Nguyen Dan, meaning “first morning of the first day of the new year.” The Korean names their new year “the first month of the year” Jung Whur.

For the Chinese, traditionally the celebration lasts fifteen days, starting by exploding thousands of firecrackers and ending with a Dragon parade.

Legend has it that a monster called Nian (meaning “year”) used to haunt and eat people on New Year’s Eve. A Chinese village lit firecrackers (an early version of gun powder) and pasted flaming red banners on their doors to work magic. To celebrate, the whole village turned out, danced, feasted and exchanged gifts. This gives birth to the lion dancing, dragon parade and giving out of lucky money in little red envelopes for the New Year period.

New Year’s Eve - The entire New Year observation starts with New Year’s Eve, called Chu Xi. For believers, they go to a temple to pray for their ancestors as well as their own health and fortune for the coming year. Houses are cleaned and decorated with red paper cuts called Window Flower (chuan hua). Many people gets a haircut too. A Chinese banquet with foods of special meaning are prepared for the Eve. Often ten courses are served as “ten” stands for perfection (Shi Quan Shi Mei). The fact that family members gather for this special feast is believed to bring good fortune and togetherness for the coming year. Fish are served whole to represent completeness and plenteousness (Nian Nian You Yu). The noodle symbolizes longevity. Year-cake (Nian Gao) is eaten, either savoury or sweet, for the meaning of growing every year. By midnight, fireworks light up the sky to scare away the monster and welcome the New Year.

Red Envelope - The next morning, on New Year’s Day, children often receive a red envelope under their pillows. Only paper money (coins are considered unlucky) are packaged with the meaning of prolonging their childhood without having to grow too fast (Ya Sui Money). Golden characters for fortune, happiness and prosperity are often written on these red envelopes. In Southern China, the envelope is called Lai See in Cantonese hence the Lai See Money.

Visitation - After breakfast people start to visit relatives and friends by greeting each other “Happy New Year” or “Gong Xi Fa Cai” (May you prosper). Guests typically bring simple yet meaningful gifts, such as apples for peace and safety, oranges for good luck and sweets for happy life. Lotus seeds and peanuts are given to newly-weds to bless them having many children. People are expected to be on their best behavior on New Year’s Day as it is said that what happens on that day decides one’s fortune for the entire year. It is important that the visits be paid for the first two days of the New Year. Otherwise, by the third day, the visiting will be considered impolite and it also means you will not get along with those you visit too late.

Lion Dance - What in the store for third, fourth and fifth days is Lion Dance. The tradition started around 100 AD in China. Drummed with gongs, the lions dance is meant to scare away evil spirits. Lion Dancers are traditionally young mean and women of martial art clubs. They train together for years to acquire the skills of bravery, intelligence, endurance and team-work to perform the dance. The Dancers can make the lion’s ears wiggle, the eyes blink and the mouth open and the tail wag. In some parts of China, the businesses, such as banks and shopkeepers, often invite the Lion Dancers to pay a visit for good luck. In turn, the dancers collect money from the business owners to give to the poor.

Dragon Parade and Lantern Festival - On the fifteenth day, the holiday ends with a big dragon parade during the day and lantern festival at night. The Dragon is a symbol of strength and goodness in Chinese legend. A colorful long dragon, made of silk, paper and wood, appears with the exploding of the fire cracks. The Dragon chases a pearl, which stands for wealth, through out the Parade. Many acrobats and musician in various Chinese costumes also perform. In the evening, the children drag out their candle lit lanterns in the shape of rabbits or other animal to watch fireworks with the adults who hold the paper lamps with a wooden or bamboo stick. Also known as the Shang Yuan Festival, the Lantern Festival is called the Little New Year. It signals the ending of the series of celebrations for the Chinese New Year. Traditionally, the date was once served as a day for love and matchmaking. The brightest lanterns were symbolic of good luck and hope.
In the end they go home for a bowl of soup of ball-shaped rice-dumpling, stuffed with either red-bean or black sesame paste (Tang Yuan) to complete the New Year observation in sweet happiness. Young people can also stay up, guessing lantern riddles, often containing messages of love.

The Chinese Zodiac – It is said Buddha or the Jade Emperor (the ultimate Emperor for the whole universe in Chinese legend) once called together all the animals on the earth for an important meeting. Only twelve animals turned up: the rat, the ox, the tiger, the rabbit, the dragon, the snake, the horse, the sheep, the monkey, the rooster, the dog and the pig. The rat, being the smartest, jumped on top of the ox to be the first one to arrive. As a reward, the Buddha/Jade Emperor gave each animal a year in the cycle and declared that anyone born in that year would resemble the animal in some way. In addition, each two hours of the day is also governed by one animal. The hours of 11pm to 1:00 am is by Rat, from 1 am to 3 am by Ox and so on. Six elements of the planet: wood, fire, air, water, gold and earth are also integrated into the animal Zodiac signs.

This year is the Golden Pig (Boar) year and the New Year starts on February 18th, 2007.

Happy Chinese New Year and Gong Xi Fa Cai (May You Prosper)!!

Note: Unless specified, all the Pinying (Romanisation in Chinese) is in Mandarin instead of Cantonese.

What I want for Christmas?

2006-12-22T04:56:00.000-08:00

By David Tang
The Founder of China Club and Shanghai Tang
Source: The South China Morning Post

I am a Christmas humbug. But mind you, only by conventional standards. My family accuses me of being lethargic and unenthusiastic about Christmas Decorations and presents.

But when I see the amount of half-pointless and half-unwanted presents that are bought and given away each Christmas, I cringe with desperation.

Even more upsetting is when we have to pretend we like the presents we receive, when in trough, we don’t – and don’t need them – and after December 25, we put them under our beds and eventually throw them away.

That’s why, when all my friends get into a frenzy over Christmas presents, I tend to lapse into total immobility. But it does not mean I don’t like Christmas, I adore Christmas.

As a good Catholic boy, I have always been thrilled to celebrate the birth of Christ. But the problem is that the modern world has turned Christmas into a retail bonanza. I am ashamed to say that I am myself intimately involved with the retail business, and for Christmas, I get excited about significantly increased sales figures. But I am only excited as the seller, not the buyer.

So again, in this sense, I am a humbug. But spiritually, I am very fond of Christmas. Not only with the religious aspect, but also in literature. Shakespeare didn’t write much on Christmas, but n Hamlet, after the ghost of Hamlet’s father “faded on the crowing of the cock”, Marcellus recalls a Christmas legend. . . .

And we sing endless carols – nothing wrong with them as hymns. But why can’t we have the proper piece: Bach’s Christmas Oratorio?

It is the time of the year when we should replenish our spiritual and cultural diets.

.......

David Tang is the founder of the China Club and Shnaghai Tang.

The Christmas Story

2006-12-21T18:46:00.000-08:00

By Bing Wei (Granny Betty’s Story Time)

Most people know that the simple meaning of Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, the son of God in the Christian religion. The word Christmas originated from an old English phrase, “Cristes Masse”, meaning the mass of Christ. The date, December 25, was established by Bishop Liberius of Rome in 354 AD. He selected the date to mark the official time for celebrating Christ’s birth. Before then, the birth of Jesus was observed on different days and even to this day no one is certain the exact date of Christ’s birth.

Cultural celebrations of Christmas include glittering light displays, the ever-present jolly old Santa Claus, group celebrations and singing called carolling, baked holiday cookies and cakes, decorations of mistletoe and pine wreaths, lighted, ornamented Christmas trees with wrapped presents displayed underneath. The spirit of Christmas at its heart is a festival to celebrate family love, gratitude to others and giving to show appreciation to friends and loved ones.

In Europe, typically, family and friends gather together on Christmas Eve, on Dec 24, for a big turkey dinner, completed with Christmas pudding (a rich cake with brandy source). Everyone shares their stories of the year or brings a newsletter to read out for what has happened during the past year. Games are played after the dinner. On Christmas day, Dec 25, a brunch with family is the norm, followed by some light sporting events, such as a country walk, to digest the heavy food. Dec 26 is called Boxing Day in the UK, which means everyone opens their box of presents – the most joyful day for the children. In the US, having just celebrated Thanksgiving with turkey, Christmas Eve dinner is more likely to have ham on the menu with a heavy desert. Dec 25, the Christmas Day is normally the day all the presents are opened.

The tradition of having a pine tree as the Christmas Tree is believed to come from Germany. Since the medieval time, lighting a candle on a tree is common to welcome guests. Such practice has evolved into the Christmas celebration. The formal Christmas Tree was introduced to England about 100 years ago when Queen Victoria married German Albert. The evidence of Victoria’s love for Albert is not only expressed through inheriting the German tradition of having a Christmas Tree but also through the gold Albert Statues that Victoria had ordered built for Albert, standing in many places in London. In America, the Christmas Tree idea was brought by German immigrants too.

The custom of sending Christmas cards was initiated in England around 1850. The first cards were decorated with elaborate designs of flowers, birds and landscapes.

As for Saint Nicholas, or Santa Claus, the story goes back to the third century. Legend has it, Saint Nicholas dedicated all his life to helping mankind, especially children and he died on December 6, which marks the Saint Nicholas Day in many European countries and that was when gifts were given to children. St. Nicholas bears many different names, such as Father Christmas in the UK, San Nicolass in the Netherlands, Le Pere Noel in France, and Kriss Kringle in Germany. He also arrives on different dates to deliver presents to children in different countries, typically from chimneys. The chimney story was this: Santa flew over house tops in a sleigh, he dropped coins by accident and they landed in some stockings hanging next to the fireplace to dry. From then on, red stockings were hung by the chimney in hopes Santa would fill them with gifts. Most countries use fabric stocking while in others, wood shoes are also placed on earth for Santa’s gift-dropping. In America, the image of Santa Claus was conceived by the famous poem “The Night Before Christmas”, written by Clement Moor. Moor transformed the Santa character from a saint in a long robe to a chubby, rosy-cheeked elderly man in a red suit, riding on a sleigh pulled by a team of reindeer.

The tradition of carol singing originated from the carolling practised by the Waits in the fourteenth century. Waits were royal singers who were sent by the court to perform in selected homes for treats, pennies and/or fun. “Carol” means a circle dance accompanied by a song. Most Christmas carols we sing now were composed around 1400-1600’s.

The Jewish community celebrates Chanukah instead of Christmas in December. Chanukah (Hanukkah) is celebrated on the 25th day of Kislev, the third month of the Jewish calender, usually falling somewhere in December on the Gregorian calendar. Chanukah commemorates the cleansing of the Temple after the Jews defeated their occupation by the Syrian Greeks and is observed by lighting the candles of the menorah for eight days, one on the first, two the second and so on so forth.

This is the story of Christmas and all the traditions surrounding it.

Happy Holidays!

Give your child the gift of gratitude this holiday season

2006-12-21T17:54:00.000-08:00

By Richard Cohen
Vice President, Education at Tutor Time (Hong Kong)

As the Holiday Season swirls about us, it is easy to get swept up in the commercialism and materialism of our society. In other words, if kids try to make send of the idea of “holidays” by looking at television, billboards, magazines or catalogues, they may come to think that the word ‘holiday” means ‘the day you expect everyone to give you the latest and best toys, games and enough candy and sweets to give you a tummy ache.”

Of course kids love the holidays as many of us certainly did, for the same reasons), but please take a moment to think about what this teaches your child. Many adults today are still saddled with those values, echoing across the years from our childhoods, driving our choices and behaviors as adults. As a nation we are often overweight, overspent and self-indulgent, looking toward the next purchase for a moment of happiness. If only I had that piece of cake, those shoes, that dress. . .then I’d be happy.

I’m just as caught up in it all as you may be. The commercialism and materialism of our society is hard to avoid. It’s like a river sweeping us all away when we’re not paying attention. Worse, it is so pervasive, it’s like we’re the fish in that river. . . and we don’t even know that there’s a powerful, surging current surrounding us, directing our movements at all times.

There is one thing I know for sure. . . I refuse to pass that along to our kids. If you agree, now might be the perfect time to start. Sure, give gifts to the people you love. Eat a little candy. But make “gratitude” the theme of your family’s season. Help your children remember what they have to be grateful for – a loving family, food on the table, caring teachers, music and art, sports and games – whatever brings them joy. Help them notice these things and find ways to express their gratitude – in a drawing, a song, a prayer, a hug, or just by looking into the eyes of someone to whom they are grateful and saying “thanks you.”

Create a culture of gratitude in your family by extending this “theme” throughout 2007 and for the rest of your lives. But remember what may happen when one fish turns and starts swimming upstream or searches for a calm eddy in which to be still. Most of the other fish, who think normalcy is found in the flow of the river, might think her rebellion a little bit crazy!

Oprah Winfrey often talks about keeping a gratitude journal. I’ve got one. It’s an incredibly rounding tool. It helps me remember what’s really important in life when that river of chocolate and cell phones and high definition televisions is trying hard to make me forget. Our children so desperately need us to remember this, especially when the world is filled with shiny temptations that might teach them otherwise.

Here’s wishing you and your family a healthy, joyous holiday season.

Gratefully yours,

Richard Cohen.

A memory that would live with you

2006-10-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

by Pearl Lin Ulrich

My husband and I went to the Prime Steakhouse in Las Vegas for his 34th birthday. He had been there once for a friend’s bachelor party and claimed that he had the best meal ever! So when we got the chance to sneak away without kids on a long weekend, he made the reservation, and I was more than ready to be the judge!

Both dressed up, we strolled around the over-the-top Bellagio, one of the finest hotel/casinos on the strip. After stepping down the stairs, we were greeted by a couple of friendly receptionists. When I first stepped inside the restaurant, I was impressed by the elegant décor. The plush , French Blue velvet drapes and marble floor were sophisticated yet romantic; burgundy and beige color furniture contrasted like red wine and cream sauce. We were very lucky to be seated by the window which had a fountain view. I was very excited about the front-row-seat, because I always loved the fountain show and thought it would be neat to see the show close range.

After we were seated, the waiter brought out napkins which matched the color of what we were wearing that evening. He politely and briefly went thought the specials of the day, and left us with the everything-looks-so-good menus and decisions to make. The Chilled Shellfish Platter appetizer which some people had on their tables looked good, it was presented like an ice sculpture, quite a show piece. The price for that was marked “Market Price”. It is important to inquire what the market price is before you commit to it. We decided to enjoy the ice sculpture the way you should by just looking at it after we found out it would cost $140 for the beautiful appetizer!

Skipped the appetizer, we were not going to skimp on alcohol. My husband ordered a double Makers Mark on the rocks (double shots of bourbon on ice), and I ordered my favorite cocktail drink—Lemon Drop, which was a mix of Vodka, Triple Sec, lemon juice and sugar. When the waiter came back with our drinks, we ordered the following:

Soup— Lobster Bisque
Salad--- Field Greens
Entrée-- Porterhouse for my husband and Filet Mignon for me
Sides—Creamed Spinach, Ginger Sweet Potatoes, Roasted Wild Mushrooms and Roasted Root Vegetables

The soup was creamy with the aroma from the sherry wine while the lobster bits were tender and succulent. The salad was a wonderful combination of fresh greens, crunchy apples and toasted walnuts with Blue Cheese; the slightly tangy dressing adds a refreshing twist. And the Entrée was just phenomenal—the Filet Mignon was so tender that it literally melted in your mouth and the porterhouse was very flavorful and meaty; the smooth texture of the meat with the company of the to-die-for sauce was a total indulgence to the pallet! Sides didn’t look fancy, but they tasted so good on their own and definitely compliment the entrée up another notch.

As we enjoyed our dinner and conversation, the fountain show outside the window started. The water danced gracefully and amazingly as it was instructed by the most talented choreographer on earth. If the window was a frame, I was looking at the most magnificent picture brushed with city lights, sparkling water, and all the imaginations beyond the darkness.

Our celebration ended with a complimentary dessert from the restaurant. It was a piece of cheesecake with chocolate sauce drizzled “Happy Birthday” on the plate. The dessert was wonderful like everything else and put a perfect period to our dinner.

Some of our friends thought we were crazy to splurge on fine dinning, but to us, it was not just about food that you ate, it was a feast to your senses; it was a memory that would live with you. And, to us, that’s life.

Love in the Making

2006-10-05T07:03:00.000-07:00

by Betty Blue

The drip of champagne
flaming
with chilli sensation
exclamation marked the point
where my legs meets

Forever dropping into your
gentle
mouth
speaking softly
without words
of your yearning
for
my poetically dizzy
existence

Is my
undiscovered
energy
flooding
beyond
the firming belief of a clothed self
of my Catholic belief
blossomed
under

Your rhythmic pianist fingers
exploring
my virginal valley
with the sound of
a magic flute

Echoing and lingering
around
the Hong Kong air
heated
by our unwedded passion
and the intimate taste
of the
sweat
sweetened
my fluids
of craving

For the new height
your male form constantly
throbbing
me on to

On the top of the Peak
the breeze of
post coiltal triste
soothes
your worries of
the unwanted journey
here in the Orient

where explanation
is expected
as a normal obligation

Stretching
onto a queen-size
bed
fulfilling
morality and legitimacy
we were brought up
to believe and retrieve
under the roof of
the guilt
of Catholicism

With memes
imposed on
your
unknown genes
originated
from
the ancient Chinese city
of Xi’an
over thousands years
transcending tens of centuries
as well as the Celtic walls
Along the Scottish coast

Now
drawn
into my half-Shanghainese
and half-northern Chinese
blood

Let me tell you
a little secret
-
my long silenced
desire
is addictive
to
your forever electric affection
without a sigh

(The end. 20th July, 1997)

A Story of the Month

2006-09-04T22:24:00.000-07:00

One day, God sent a messenger to check on people’s faith. The messenger returned and said Chinese people’s faith was far greater than that of western people.

“Why?” Said God. “I haven’t got enough time to look after the Chinese.”

“Chinese people always nod their heads when they read the Bible, but western people always shake their heads with doubts.” Said the messenger.

“I need to give western people extra lessons on Sunday.” God said.

What was behind this story? Until the 1930s, the Chinese read from top to bottom, so people thought we nodded when we read, whereas westerners read from left to right and look as if they are shaking their heads in disagreement.

Managing Chinese Employees

2006-09-04T21:11:00.000-07:00

Selected Quotes from the CEOs of multinational companies in China.
Source: China CEO

“The Chinese – and Asians generally – enter into employment with a different understanding than we have in Europe. For us, the company certainly is important, but mainly as an employment base. The Chinese, the company is more like a family. The idea is, “I am giving myself to Siemens. Now you have to take care of me.’”
DR. Ernst Behrens, President, Siemens China

“There is an incredibly capable workforce here. . . .The key is being able to delegate. You have to be able to trust your subordinates. Local Chinese can do the job a lot of better than anyone coming in. Let them do their job.”
Guy McLeod, President, Airbus China

“We MNCs in China, all kind of laugh because we have become the target not only of other MNCs but also of Chinese companies. There is such a need for great talent. Executive recruiters are very popular right now.”
Steve Schneider, Chairman and CEO, General Electric China

“There are huge numbers of graduates each year, but there is a middle management level that you need.”
John Wong, Managing Director Greater China, The Boston Consulting Group

“One of my frustrations is that when you hire smart people who graduated from Tsinghua University or Jiaotong University, they come to your desk and say, ‘in three years, I want your job.’ It took me 25 years to get here. There is such a thing as learning the business, and you don’t do that in three years.”
Philip Murtaugh, Chairman and CEO, General Motors China

“This (company sponsored language class) is something our employees value and something we value. . . When they join my company, they say, ‘Eli Lilly is looking out for my future.”
Christopher Shaw, President, Eli Lilly China

“People in China will work hard for the company because they like working for their supervisor, because of their personal relationship with that person. This requires a very different management style. You need not only to care about the employees’ work but also care about their families and other personal issues.”
Bryan Huang, Senior Vice Presided and China President, BearingPoint.

“Chinese employees like to have a good relationship with the boss. You need to make sure you are not only a boss, but also a friend and a teacher.”
Dominique de Boisseson, Chairman and CEO, Alcatel China

Lao Ban? Can I expense laundry on this business trip?

2006-07-03T20:44:00.000-07:00

By Vida Zhang Fargis

Bottom line: If you’re on a business trip for your company, you are an ambassador, and you can’t smell bad.

I was at a big technology show in the North East USA. I had an appointment to meet up with some director level guys from a famous Chinese startup, gone big. After a bit of phone tag we finally got together in the main lobby. I walked over and extended my hand to shake. Then, it hit me. The smell. Let’s call them Xiao Li, Xiao Liu and Lao Ma. These guys had significant positions of responsibility in a premier Chinese technology company. They’d beat out millions for the positions in school to allow them to compete for these positions in business. Their company had flown them 12,000 miles to attend this conference. And they smelled like two week old laundry.

What happened?

Well, they hadn’t thought to do their laundry. They probably passed on a shower that morning, as well. They obviously didn’t think it mattered. I obviously thought it did. And realistically, most people at the show, who exchanged more then five words with them, must have noticed . . . they had foul body odor.

Whose to blame here?

First off any international professional has to take responsibility for his or her self. It has to start with the individual. If you don’t address personal hygiene, others will notice. On international business, wear fresh clothes everyday, and shower everyday. If you don’t people will notice.

Secondly, there is a systemic problem with Chinese companies that are “penny wise and pound foolish.” I suspect that this company did not encourage these guys to pay for laundry services on their business trips. “What? Pay $35.00 for laundry on your expense report? NO WAY. Wash your clothes in the sink! Save the company money!” That’s fine for the $35.00 you save, but what about the damage to your brand? Chinese and other companies from newly industrialized economies must realize that these costs are small compared to the potential damage from public perceptions of foul smelling ambassadors. You spent over $12,000.00 to fly them over the ocean and put them up in a hotel. Encourage them to get their clothes cleaned. Expense it!

Finally, the fault lies with me and perhaps with you. I held my nose and said nothing. These weren’t my friends or family. It wasn’t my responsibility. But they were my countrymen. They were Chinese ambassadors. And I did feel embarrassed for them and for my country. I perhaps, should have had the courage to raise the matter, however discretely. In this case, I bowed out and thought about the matter quietly. But certainly, the more brave thing, might have been to say something, in a direct way. How else are we all to grow?

A Few Points to Consider

- Western companies expect high levels of personal hygiene. This is not to be confused with “Silicon Valley Casual.” Personal hygiene does not mean wearing a suit. And you can wear a suit and still smell bad! Personal hygiene has to do with regular washing of ones body, hair and clothes.

- Chinese may not be accustomed to changing their clothes everyday. While a change of clothes is certainly encouraged, if for whatever reason one can’t, one must be sure to clean their clothes, before wearing them twice. Washing in the sink is not likely to be sufficient. It may sound pedantic, but please, just because it smells OK to you doesn’t mean it doesn’t smell LIKE YOU to everyone else.

- I once heard a European friend with one of the big four accounting firms (Beijing office) saying “it’s just hard for me to click with Chinese colleagues at my office. They wear the same clothing every day and don’t change.” Consider how off-putting it can be to others, to maintain what seems like reasonable habits. It’s your image. Do what you like, but beware of the consequences.

Historically China suffered from so many issues which have imbued such behavior as normal among many Chinese people. Our parents grew up in war time, our resources were scarce, we learned to cope with so little and there were more important things to worry about than how one smelled. But if the world is truly flat today, and global competition is allowing for things our parents would never have dreamed of, than we must analyze this new level playing field. Taking a bath everyday and changing ones clothes everyday is what is normal in the eyes of the westerners. If you’re going to venture out into the land of “westerners” and do business with them, on their terms, you’d better understand the impact you have with your unwitting behavior.

We all bring the habits inherited from family and society into our modern personal and professional life. We must retain our sense of dignity and distinction. But we can not compromise a certain degree of accommodation, in order to deal effectively and equally with others at an international level.

“Room service? I have some laundry for pickup . . .”

Before you leave the house in the morning, and head off to your business day . . .

2006-07-03T20:37:00.000-07:00

by Vida Zhang Fargis

Wow. Last night's blog really seems to have started a lot of discussion. This is great to see. On the one hand we had so many people say "hey, that's not me. I WASH MY CLOTHES!!!" Cool. I'm glad to hear it. I never said that body odor and stale clothing was a Chinese phenomena. Its a universal problem. But I've got to tell you, a lot of those people who wrote in excusing themselves, were women. I gotta tell you, I was directing that blog mainly at the men. It's the gentlemen who mainly need to watch these issues.

Guys . . . In addition to the basics of shower and laundry let me add a few key tips to consider, before you leave the house in the morning, and head off to your business day . . .

Brush your teeth and have breath mints: If you have breakfast at home and then dash out without brushing your teeth, you stand the risk of having foul breath. This is all the same if you have coffee or lunch and don't have something to kill the foul breath. Always have breath mints. My preference in the Listerine Tabs that evaporate in your mouth. I don't like to walk around with the loud shaking sound of mints. Listerine Tabs make no noise in your pocket and unlike gum are not too noisy to chew or inconvenient to dispose of. Chose your own poison, but don't leave home without it! Bad breath is a drag and the choice is yours.

Clip your nostril hairs: Gentleman, it looks horrible if you've got leaves coming out of your nose. Clip your nose hairs with a scissor so we don't have to look at all the roots protruding from you nasal passages. Clip those nose hairs.

Watch for the snow storm! Friends of the male persuasion: If you have black hair and wear a black suit watch out for the snow drift. "Dandruff" or dead scalp skin flakes that fall from one's head can make a pair of shoulders in a good suit look absolutely ridiculous. First, use the right shampoo - anti dandruff shampoo like "Head and Shoulders" if it is an issue for you. Next, please check in the mirror every hour or so and see if there is a winter storm watch in effect. If so, brush off the snow and do yourself and everyone else, a favor. No one wants to look at all the flakes on your shoulders and if you're too excited about whatever it is you are doing (your pitch, your product, your performance), you may miss the ski slope on your shoulders. Keep the snow from falling, by avoiding shaking your head.

A little cologne goes a long way: Smelling like three-day old laundry is bad business. But smelling like half a bottle of cologne is no quick upgrade. Men, please . . . one, or at most two shots of cologne behind your back, shot one to two feet from the body will (assuming you've chosen a reasonable fragrance) make you smell dandy. However if you douse yourself in a fragrance, you can easily make yourself smell like a bad joke. People want the faint hint of your scent, not a frontal assault. Remember, a little can and will take care of you for a long time.

For ladies interested in this topic, please click here.

DRAGON BOAT FESTIVAL

2006-05-29T17:49:00.000-07:00

By Crystal Lu

If you’ve ever passed by Chinatown in a late spring day, you must have seen many fist-sized, dried-leave-wrapped pyramids and cubes on display in front of markets and stores there. You might have guessed they were a certain kind of food. Named zongzi in Chinese, they are indeed steamed food similar to the tamales you’ve had in Mexican restaurants. However, it is not cornhusks but bamboo leaves that wrap up the Chinese tamales. And instead of cornmeal, glutinous rice is their main ingredient. Their other ingredients vary, but the most common ones usually contain small pieces of stewed pork, salted egg yolk, boiled peanuts or chestnuts, and black mushrooms.

Though generally not served in Americanized Chinese restaurants, zongzi appears wherever authentic Chinese food is. Chinese people may eat the tamale-like rice polygons all year round but will definitely have them for the Day of Duan Wu, also known as Dragon Boat Festival, a traditional holiday that features dragon boat races on the fifth day of the fifth lunar month and can fall on any day between late May and late June of the Western calendar.

Duan Wu, a phonetic translation of two Chinese characters, means “exact noontime”. Ancient Chinese believed the sun was exactly in the middle of the sky, without any slightest slant, at noon on Duan Wu, which therefore marked the beginning of summer. But the holiday has meant far more than the Chinese summer solstice since it originated as a day of commemoration for a patriotic poet, Qu Yuan (340-278 BC).

During the period of Warring States, there were seven kingdoms in the territory of today’s China, and Qu Yuan once held a high-ranked official’s position in the Chu Kingdom, the southernmost one of the seven. He had great strategies to keep Chu strong. But other officials were jealous of him, spread rumors about him, and eventually persuaded the king to banish him. Qu Yuan spent the next 20 years in exile, wandering around a lake area south of the Yangtze River and letting out his frustration through writing. His epics and lyrics have remained some of the most brilliant in Chinese literature.

After the Qin Kingdom conquered Qu Yuan’s beloved Chu Kingdom, he drowned himself in the Miluo, a tributary of the Yangtze, on the fifth day of the fifth lunar month that year.

Many sympathizers took their boats out in an attempt to save him. When they finally gave up searching, they decided to wrap rice with reed or bamboo leaves and throw the little packs into the Miluo in hope that the fish would eat the rice rather than Qu Yuan’s body. Keeping the corpse intact was, and still is, the way of showing ultimate respect for the deceased in Chinese culture.

To commemorate Qu Yuan, villagers threw leave-wrapped rice into the Miluo and rowed boats on the river on every anniversary of his death. The rice dish making and the boat rowing gradually evolved into nationwide holiday customs. People added various ingredients to zongzi, which had made its way to the dining table, and decorated the bow of each boat with a dragonhead sculpture, the most favorite Chinese symbol. Dragon boat rowing developed into a racing game held everywhere in China every Duan Wu. The team sport even followed Chinese immigrants to the United States. There have been dragon boat races in San Francisco. An annual event sponsored by Kaiser Permanente, surprisingly held in mid-to-late summer rather than May or June days around Duan Wu, has taken place on Lake Merced and at Treasure Island’s Clipper Cove. Dragon Boat Festival therefore may sound familiar to the general public in the Bay Area, except that the festival’s origin hasn’t been much publicized.

Even less known to non-Chinese is a love story that begins with a chance encounter on Dragon Boat Festival. Legend has it that a white snake, after praying for becoming human over a hundred years, finally gets her wish granted, and the transformed beautiful lady in a white dress meets a well-educated young man from the wealthy Xu family by West Lake on a warm afternoon of Duan Wu. It is sprinkling. He approaches her and offers sharing his umbrella with her. They fall in love, get married, and have a son. But a self-righteous monk with supernatural power sees Madame Xu’s hidden identity, determines it to be harmful, and urges her husband to find out by mixing an herb called xung-huang in her rice wine. The drink turns her back to a white snake. Saddened by her husband’s betrayal, she can’t muster enough strength to fight the monk, who wins a duel with her, takes her away, and imprisons her underneath a pagoda by West Lake. Xu realizes too late that he loves her whether she is a woman or a snake. He lives the rest of his life in regret.

It may be hard to believe Dragon Boat Festival is associated with sad stories of the Xus’ separation and Qu Yuan’s suicide, while it appears to be such a flamboyant holiday, with colorful boats, enthusiastic audiences, and delicious zongzi. Perhaps it is the resilient nature of the Chinese that has transfigured a poet’s tragic death into a nation’s cheerful festivity. The Chinese have always been capable of moving on. Through millennia of tyrannies, wars, famines, and disasters, the aromatic steam from the zongzi carries an aged and ageless secret to survival.

Are they for the children or adults?

2006-04-25T11:12:00.000-07:00

These two pictures were taken at the Marriot Hotel at 1800 Old Bayshore Highway
Burlingame , CA 94010, on April 3rd 2006.

This picture was taken at the St. Paul's Hospital in Hong Kong on April 10th 2006.

This picture was taken at the Wancai Immigration Office in Hong Kong on April 11th 2006.

CAEA 2006 Events

2006-03-14T09:10:00.000-08:00

view our past events

3. Learn Corporate Etiquette and Taste Fine California Wine With Chinese Food

Now that you have passed the interview and have a position with career potential. Even more, you are in the major American corporation working with talented colleagues from all over the world. How can maximize your unique capability to the full?

The answer is: polish your corporate etiquette and make yourself the favorite person on the team! How? We hear you ask.

Now meet Terry Johnson again at the second part of his Corporate Etiquette training series. Come for a Chinese dinner for the exquisite authentic cuisine with relaxing ambience. Mingle and network with people like you, the cross-cultural corporate settlers in America and enjoy the mid-summer’s evening for a grand Chinese dinner.

About the speaker:
Terry Johnson (see the picture on the right - Terry was talking with Helen Wang & K. Oanh Ha at the CAEA Executive Easter Luncheon on April 2, 2006) is a veteran of over 30 years management and consulting experience. He currently works for Cisco Systems in San Jose in the corporate Human Resources office, coaching managers in difficult employee relations situations. He has directed workshops for young executives on how to dine formally with your boss and colleagues in American corporations. Terry's special interest in fine dinning has also led him to explore most of the best restaurants in the Bay Area. Terry graduated from University of Minnesota with a BA in economics and MA in Industrial Relations. In the last four years, he has also been teaching in a Bible Study Fellowship's in San Jose.

Organizer: Chinese American Etiquette Association
The Chinese American Etiquette Association (CAEA) is a non-profit organization in the Bay Area oriented towards corporate settlers fitting into the real American culture. We add value to our community by issuing unique, proprietary newsletters, organizing events and providing trainings on a broad range of topics, such as executive visits, cross border conferences, fine dining, wine tasting, dress codes, cocktail networking and public speaking. We focus on exploring the differences in manners and customs between Chinese and American cultures in today’s fast-paced technological environment.

CAEA is unique in addressing the needs of a recent migrated professionals who face profound cultural challenges in making business contacts, building new friendships, and strengthening their social lives. Through its focus on etiquette, CAEA seeks to help this new generation of corporate settlers to achieve eloquence, excellence and excel both in their personal and professional lives.

When: August 15 (Tuesday) 6:30pm – 9:30pm

Where: Hong Fu Chinese Restaurant - 20588 Stevens Creek Blvd, Cupertino, California 950154 (www.Hongfurestaurant.com)

Booking: For a 8 dishes grand Chinese dinner with California wine tasting, only $30 per person for a booking on line or pay at the door at $35per person

RSVP: register on line or email: pearl@chinaetiquette.net

2. A little taste of big China - Chinese Tea Tasting Event on Duan Wu Festival Day

Do you know that the history of tea dates back three thousands years in China? Do you know that in the Tang (618-907) and Song (960-1279) dynasties tea gained great in the Emperor's Court, and its general enjoyment has continued in china up until the present day? Do you know that tea triggered the Opium War?

What are the differences between the Japanese and Chinese tea ceremonies? What was the influence of the Boston Tea Party on the American palate and the Revolutionary War?

How does tea benefit your health, from lowering blood pressure and cholesterol to increasing your energy?

Come to listen to the tea connoisseur Matthew Hui talking about the history, health benefits of tea and demonstrating Chinese tea ceremony.

Come to make new friends and broaden business contacts at Matthew’s exquisite teahouse Neotte in downtown Palo Alto. Enjoy an evening of Chinese culture and history explored through tea tasting. Children over 10 years old are welcome!

Where: Neotte Tea Bar (www.neotte.com) 429 University Avenue, Palo Alto CA04301.

When: Duan Wu Festival, May 31, 2006 at 6:30pm

What is for super after Tea tasting: Bento Box dinner with rice, fish and salad plus tea as well as green tea cake for desert.

Cost: $15 per person registering on line and $20 cash at the door.

Questions? email us at bingwei@chinaetiquette.net

Matthew Hui - Graduated in University of Houston with a Master in Computer Science and has been in cutting edge application and internet development in the hi-tech industry for 15 years. He has been a world traveler as an engineering consultant for the last 5 years. Fascinated by the rich, wonderful world of Chinese teas when traveled to China in 1999, he started Neotte with a vision to introduce the tastes, health benefits, styles, and cultures of Chinese tea drinking to US in a modern tea bar environment.

1. April 2nd - Executive Easter Luncheon (view the press release here)

Have you ever worried about how to communicate with your boss and other key decision makers at a social function? If the answer is yes, then you don’t want to miss this event!

"There is no substitute for good manners even during a formal luncheon."

Meet our executive guest speaker Terry Johnson, a Silicon Valley HR veteran who understands why people get hired and fired and what it takes to distinguish yourself in a contemporary corporate setting.

You will learn how to arrive, talk and mingle during an executive luncheon. You will practice how to let your luncheon etiquette shine with business executives and extended families alike.

You will hear where Easter Luncheon comes from, one of the traditional event, second to Christmas, in the mainstream American culture. Easter is arriving, so is the spring. A traditional Easter Luncheon will bring you into the swing. Come lunching, learn and enjoy. Bring your spouse, partner, colleagues and friends.

When: April 2, 2006 at 11:00pm – 2:00 pm
Dress Code: Formal. Ladies are typically in spring attire even with a hat. Gentlemen wear jacket and possibly a tie.
Where and how much: For an elaborate deluxe buffet luncheon with endless exquisite champagne and conversation, at the San Francisco Peninsula's only Five Star Diamond- rated Hotel, only $35 per person with online registration and payment.
Contact: if you have any questions about the event, please contact bing@chinaetiquette.net by April 1, 2006.

About the speaker:
Terry Johnson is a veteran of over 30 years management and consulting experience. He currently works for Cisco Systems in San Jose in the corporate Human Resources office, coaching managers in difficult employee relations situations. He has directed workshops for young executives on how to dine formally with your boss and colleagues in American corporations. Terry's special interest in fine dinning has also led him to explore most of the best restaurants in the Bay Area. Terry graduated from University of Minnesota with a BA in economics and MA in Industrial Relations. In the last four years, he has also been teaching in a Bible Study Fellowship's in San Jose.

View our past events.

Do you sell etiquette watches?

2006-02-28T01:17:00.000-08:00

by Vida Zhang Fargis

I was caught off guard when a gentleman asked me this question recently. I was at a social gathering in the SF Bay Area and trying to explain what the CAEA – Chinese American Etiquette Association is all about.

“Etiquette? What is etiquette?” He asked.
I translated the word of “etiquette” into Chinese after I failed in my first attempt to explain it in English.

“Ahh, I see. You sell gift items and provide Miss Etiquette (an equivalent of Miss China) to people who may have a restaurant grand openings.” He said with his head nodding.

“Do you sell etiquette watches? I need one for my daughter’s graduation.” He added..

Sadly, many of my mainland Chinese peers living in Silicon Valley, have the same mind set. The word etiquette conjures associations with beauty contests and cheap trinkets. Well, how can I blame their naiveté? This is what my nation promotes at large. The Ministry of Culture is behind the nation-wide competition: “China Etiquette Culture Competition” our mainland version of Miss America. As always, we still have a long way to go.

I am just wondering how the international community would comment on this “China Etiquette Culture Competition.” I suppose it is a fascinating point of discussion onto itself. During the Cultural Revolution, women like Liu Shao Qi’s wife were attacked for wearing “rocket shoes” with pointed toes, or necklaces and the like. Today, the “China Etiquette Culture Competition” could be seen as a form of progress. But to me it a grinding reminder of how far we have to go.

My question is how much this mind set is going to be changed as China emerges as an economic powerhouse? The 2008 Olympic has injected a big motivation for Chinese government calling for a “Manners Movement” with $2.5 million in funding for an etiquette campaign in Beijing. Despite the Movement’s purpose of saving global face, it is a step in the right direction.

“Manners Movement” will, to some extent, improve a basic etiquette understanding i.e. no spitting, no littering, no more slurping of soup, no coughing, belching or passing gas at the table etc. This all get my vote! This can certainly be improved among the general public in China. But incorporating a set of etiquette rules into one’s daily living and internalizing the etiquette value with one’s life has its own challenges in China.

Comparing those who can enjoy a free etiquette education in China, many of our Chinese fellows in the US have been left out and hanging around somewhere in between China and the US with no one to turn to for an etiquette guidance. As a result, they lack of a basic understanding of what etiquette is. This might be very true in the Chinese engineering community in the Silicon Valley.

Of course, there are some exceptional people out there in the community. Just two days ago, I struck up a conversation about etiquette with Max Hwang, who works at Baynote, at the Huayuan event of “The Art of Peak Performance in Public Speaking”.

“That’s really important part of self development.” Max said after I explained what CAEA stood for CAEA.

“I am just curious, how did you learn about this etiquette concept?” I asked.

“My CEO is really into it. He incorporates etiquette value into our company culture. As a matter of fact, I am here today attending the event because of him. He said I should come and it’s worthwhile.” Max said.

It turned out Max’s CEO is Jack Jia at Baynote. And Jack is currently the President of Huayuan. I’ve attended at least two events where Jack was a keynote speaker and was very impressed by his articulation for his version and leadership. He definitely stands out as someone who is very polished in giving a public speech and poses the leadership skills and mind set in the community.

I am curious to see how Jack would inject the etiquette culture and value into Huyuan. Under his leadership, I’ll definitely receive fewer questions about “etiquette watches.”
-

Big Nose and Me

2006-02-12T22:57:00.000-08:00

By Bing Wei

At 10 p.m., the restaurant at the Sheraton Great Wall Hotel was almost empty. Sean and I dined in relative privacy, contending only with the muted, deep voices of a table of Westerners in dark suits. Empty wine bottles lined their table. They stole a few glances in my direction as we sat down. I felt as if I’d entered a foreign land.

In English, Sean ordered a bottle of wine with a French name whose pronunciation challenged my ears. I defensively ordered jasmine tea. When the wine arrived, Sean poured some of the purple-red liquid into my glass.

“Let’s toast to the success of your first live interview on stage!” He raised his glass.

I thanked him and sipped a little. The heady, alien fragrance made me light-headed and scattered my thoughts. The wine tasted strong and sour. I coughed a little and had to grab for my tea. The experience of this foreign drink mixed with the aroma of Jasmin reminded me, against my will, of Brother Jun. I wanted to drive all memory of him from my thoughts, and I wished I’d ordered Coca-Cola instead of his favourite drink. But ordering the pot of tea had almost been a reflex, a necessary assertion of pride. Sitting in front of this Greek-God, this Big Nose with the bluest eyes I had ever seen, I had felt the need to appear more Chinese than usual. I needed to hide my excitement at being in his company and forced myself to appear more composed.

When the waiter handed me a menu, I discovered that greater challenges lay ahead. I had no idea what the dishes were. Sean seemed to read my mind. He explained word by word of each main course to me.

Although I hid it from Sean, the events of the day had quite extinguished any possibility of an appetite. And this on the night of my first Western dinner, a meal most of my friends would kill for. But Sean’s kindness had been touching, and I tried to show courage by ordering the most Western dish for my main course — fillet minion steak. I did not really know what it was, beyond that it would be made of beef.

I made a cheeky face at the waiter’s sceptical eyes while he took the menu back.

“Are you sure?” he seemed a little concerned.

“Yep, let me try,” I said in Chinese.

Just as I wanted to sit back and relax, I saw the army of the silver knives and forks in front of me. They were lying quietly on both sides of a round white china plate and had had different sizes. I pondered which one I should pick up first and which one should be used for which dish. Only one pair of chopsticks was needed per person for Chinese meals. Why did the Westerners have to make things so complicated?

“You were like a professional tonight.” He put the white napkin on his lap.

“Thank you for such a wonderful thought!” I tried to follow Sean’s navigation of utensil and drink, gulping down more wine. If I just do whatever he does, I shall survive my first Western dinner with the first pair of blue eyes in my life, I thought to myself.

When the steak arrived, I was a dumbfounded. I tried to regroup my thoughts, to sharpen thinking made clumsy by the red wine, and took a closer look. The steak was gigantic. It was as thick as the volume of collected works by Freud that Brother Jun had once lent me. I cut into the meat, feeling more like a butcher than a diner, and took a tentative bite. So uncooked. My tongue was numbed. The word barbarians popped into my head. I had always associated rawness of food with cave people. I tried my best, munching down the meat with my eyes closed. I ate with the same spirit with which I downed bitter Chinese herbal medicine. I chewed the accompanying roasted green and red peppers carefully. I wondered why they had to grill the vegetables so dark. My dinner was a startling contrast of vegetable charcoal and raw meat.

Try a big grin, I said to myself, attempting to imitate Big Sister’s official smile. I should show my Chinese dignity, I urged myself.

“Are you enjoying it?” The Big Nose looked at me tenderly with his smiling blue eyes.
“Yes, yes, thank you,” I replied, nodding respectfully while wiping my lips with the white napkin again and again. I stole a glance into the mirror behind Sean’s back to make sure there was no red blood or charcoal on my lips.

At the end of the dinner, Sean spread a thick layer of white sticky cream on the thin round biscuits.

“This cheese is called Stilton,” he explained, placing two pieces on my little plate. “See if you like it.”

I opened the little pocket English-Chinese dictionary he had placed on the table. It read “cheese: fermented milk.” I met his smiling moon-shaped blue eyes when handing him back the dictionary.

“Nai-lao,” I pronounced, telling Sean the Chinese word for cheese, and he repeated it well and quickly. He even had a touch of Beijing accent, which amused me. It was the first time I had ever heard a Big Nose speak my language with such a local flair.

“It smells like the fermented tofu my Granny used to love for breakfast,” I commented, attempting to make a cultural connection. I didn’t want to be rude by saying it smelt foul and I couldn’t possibly eat any. Neither could I blurt out a deeper truth that I was still terribly upset about Brother Jun and Big Sister tonight. I thought I was now becoming an adult: inscrutable and polite, never telling the whole truth.

I felt happy anyway about the dinner although I was unsure if this feeling owed more to the sour wine or to Sean’s pleasant company. I was also proud at having passed this foreign challenge to my Chinese pallet.

“Ah, so there might be many connections among our cultures,” he replied so positively that it was almost annoying. He told me of his intense interest in music, especially opera. He also played a little piano, he said.

“Does everyone play piano in the West?” I asked, remembering for the first time in years Mother’s German piano, and then slipping recklessly into recall of its being hacked into pieces by the Red Guards.

Tears suddenly welled up in my eyes. I could hardly speak. I gulped down more wine to cover this accidental uncorking of the past, but it was too late. My thoughts ventured to the sadness of my turbulent childhood, to my life shared with Brother Jun and Big Sister. To the disappointment of his marriage proposal to Big Sister. To all those sad losses, to the opportunities for love that once seemed to be so easily within reach.

I began to feel a little dizzy.

“Is the wine too strong for you?”

“Not really. I enjoy it.” I wondered what it would be like when he sat in front of a piano. He was a large person with very long fingers, longer than the keys. Would the keys be too short for his fingers? This funny image seemed to bring me back to the moment.

I tried to make a smile.

“What are you smiling about?” His hand reached for mine. His gentl grip was comforting. Yet it lacked the electric spark pf Jun’s touch.

“I’m smiling about my ignorance about the West,” I said, withdrawing my hand.

“Well, my ignorance of China is profoundly greater!” his moon-shaped eyes grew rounder.

Such humility. Such an arrogant big Greek-God looking nose.

“Tell me about yourself so I can get to know China a little better.” He took my hand again.

I let myself relax in his warm grasp, and I started to describe how we had started learning English with sentences such as: Long Live Chairman Mao and We Love Beijing Tian’anmen. But we’d never been taught anything about how English-speaking people lived.

I also told him about going to Big Sister’s private tutoring and hearing her vocal training. I told him how Big Sister used to carry me to hospital and take me to see our parents in their separate labour camps. I told him about Brother Jun teaching me calligraphy by holding my hands while I worked with a sheep-fur brush pen.

I took my hand out of his and wrote down my name in Chinese.

“That’s beautiful,” he said, picking up the paper, lifting his glasses to look closer.

“Can I keep this?” He was almost pleading.

“Certainly.” I was flattered. He told me that he had tried to learn to write the characters because he was a visual person, trained in fine art, painting and sculpture before he went into to architecture.

Another artist, I thought. “Are you colour-blind?”

“That’s a peculiar question to an artist.” He said.

Then I started telling him all about Brother Jun’s colour-blindness and how I had realised it on the day Mao died, when we watched the colour television in his house and how I had been in love with him all these years and it turned out that he loved my Big Sister instead.

“How very interesting, Ling-ling,” Sean said. “Tell me more about yourself and what you want in your life.” I had been saying so much about Big Sister and Brother Jun, but I had no practice in revealing my own life.

“I never knew how to talk about myself.” I sighed, “I only know how to keep a diary about my thoughts.”

“A writer?” Sean’s moon-shaped blue eyes was filled with tenderness.
Silence fell.

“Perhaps you could write a book, then,” he suggested, pulled my hand into his gigantic palm again.

“A book?” I repeated in surprise, pushing away the cheese plate with a frown, forgetting the properly inscrutable Chinese manner, feeling completely natural with him.

For the first time, silence had the warm taste of a palm, instead of the lack of sound.

(Bing Wei, was Born in Shanghai, educated in England and having worked in London and Hong Kong in media production and marketing, Bing Wei started her writing career early. At the age of 15, Bing first published a short-story in Chinese in Shanghai. Three years later, she published a novella in the World Journal (Hong Kong) Literary Supplement. Her published list soon increased to around twenty-pieces of writing in both in Chinese and in English. They came in the from of prose, poems, short stories, film criticism and essays and appeared on magazines and literary journals in Singapore, Hong Kong and England. Bing recently completed a 400-page novel in English and is at the stage of locating a publisher. Above is one chapter of the novel, presenting the start of a cross-cultural love relationship.)

Happy Valentine’s Day . . . fall in love again!

2006-02-01T00:53:00.000-08:00

By Judi Yang

Most of us spend precious time to find the right partner for our lives. After we reach the highest point of dating, marriage becomes the most important milestone. But as time goes by, things change. Many people have experienced the disappointment of seeing the feelings of love from the early days of marriage fade. If you are one of those who have had this feeling, you may want to reconsider whether your love has truly faded and if so, why. Have you ever tried to make your marriage stronger and healthier after so many years? I hope we can all do something to make our love better and our life happier. Love takes time to grow, especially after the initial excitement of being wed.

The first thing we can do is to be honest and to trust each other. True love is based on faith and trust. We should all open to faith, to trust, to believing in the best of each other. If we know we are wrong, the best thing to do is to be honest and to tell the truth. Then we can go one step further to make necessary changes. Words can be cheap. Be sure to put your words into action. Doing so will set a wonderful example for your husband or wife, your children, and the world around you.

Then we should learn to care each other better. Family is the space defined by love. If we live like roommates, I do not know how long the relationship will last and who it will be that will move out first. We not only need to share the burden of making money, we also need to share the love for each other, to share the love for children, and to share all the work to make the home filled with love. Everybody wants to be cared for. For example, men need regular physical and dental checks but they tend to forget about them. Women could help them by finding doctors, making appointments and reminding them of the dates. The small things demonstrate your love and caring toward him. In return, he will appreciate it and care for you all the more.

New research from Harvard Medical School finds that couples expressing the most empathy and affection are the most likely to stay together. We should all follow the principle of trying to understand first before looking to be understood. Also we should choose our words carefully communicating with each other in the family. People may think that since they are husband and wife, they could be especially straightforward. Wrong. We have to remember that the emotional bank account concept applies to everybody, even members of a family. If you withdraw too much without depositing, you will end up bankrupt. Smooth, considerate communication will bring us so much joy. The etiquette of communication affects our daily life, in your house and in mine.

Honesty, trust, caring and better communications are key to grow our love. Marriage should never be the tomb of love. If we spend time and resources to nurture it, marriage could easily become the garden of love and we will see flowers of love bloom. Love is fun. I sincerely wish all couples could bring the sparkle of love back to their lives. Happy Valentine’s Day . . . fall in love again!

Related links
Bright or blue, I am a style-conscious woman

The intimate words for your Valentine’s Day

2006-01-31T12:01:00.000-08:00

It's time to start thinking about Valentine's Day. With the big success of “Taking a shower after cooking Chinese food” from last Valentine’s Day, we are encouraged to push the romantic theme a little bit further this year – sharing some essential intimate words you could whisper to your loved ones.

Please say it in English and don’t try to translate them into Chinese. Keep them original and explore the beauty of your sexuality and intimacy for the 2006 Valentine’s Day. Make our Valentine’s Day a fun and sexy one!

We'll update the words biweekly. Please be sure to come back.

You are not a vanilla Chinese girl.
It means you are very adventurous sexually.

The missionary position
It means traditional sex with a man on top of a woman.

You are so dreamy
It means so beautiful and sexy.

Turn ons
It means things get you excited. “Long black hair and big butts are my turn ons.”

Turn offs
It means things that ruin the sexual mood for another person.
“Eating in bed is a big turn off for me”

I have a crush on you
It means suddenly and strongly enamored with someone. “I had a crush on you the first time I saw you.”

Safe sex
It means sex where precaution has been taken not only against pregnancy but also against sexually transmitted diseases. Usually sex with condom considered safe sex.

French kiss
When two people kiss each other with their tongues. “He gives me French kisses. It feels so good. Not like the vanilla kisses from the guy before him.”

Love handle
Excess fat on the hips, which your partner can take a hold of like handles. “It looks like you have some love handles there. Did you eat a lot during the Chinese New Year?”

Incurable romantic
Someone who exhibits excessive romantic behavior. “He buys roses for her every day. He’s incurable romantic.”

(To be continued.)

I thanked the friend and put it on the shelf

2006-01-30T23:34:00.000-08:00

By Brian O'Flan

I brought some bottles of wine to my friend's for Chinese New Year. It was nothing too special, but drinkable. Scrumptious feasts of Chun Jie-past were often compromised at this particular friend's house by jug wine. So while it wouldn't be appropriate to bring my own jiaozi to bao, at least I could contribute to the libations. They were ready for me though. They had a bottle of red there this year, to compliment the MaoTai. Sipping, I waited.

By the time we'd moved from jiaozi to hot-pot we'd finished this first bottle. I had my eye on the Zinfandel we'd brought. It looked so lonely sitting there on the shelf. But it was not to be. They reached in and pulled out another bottle of red that they had at the ready. Sipping, I acknowledged that this wine of theirs OK. It was fine. It just wasn't as good as the food we were enjoying.

And as I poked around the hot pot, looking for pieces of do fu, I recalled a Thanksgiving from a few years back when these friends had been my guests. A friend of theirs who'd accompanied them brought a bottle of some bai jiu. I thanked the friend and put it on the shelf. Later when some Western friends arrived with a bottle of fancy wine they insisted on opening it and pouring some for everyone, immediately. In muted Chinese, I could hear the friend comment that we hadn't done the same with their bottle. And she was right. I'm certainly no better. They probably endured the evening with their lonely bottle staring down at them from the shelf I'd laid it on. We're all the same, when were hosting.

In Western culture its OK enjoy the food or drink, which a guest brings to dinner. It is also OK not to use it, if it doesn’t fit with the menu. I wonder if my Chinese hosts considered it bad form, to serve the beverages I’d brought. On the other hand, maybe they just didn’t think it would taste good.

I think the message is that the guest should relax and let the host, host. If you’re the guest take cue from the hosting culture. Don't get hung up on having whatever it is you brought acknowledged. As a guest you should let person who threw it all together to do their thing. Yours is to enjoy, or endure, but not to lead.

(Brian O'Flan is a columnist for CAEA newsletter)

The business jargon

2006-01-17T00:04:00.000-08:00

The following was posted on 1/31/2006
Mission Critical
The single most important thing to the success of the overall venture. The thing can not slip and it must happen.
“It’s mission critical that you close the deal this quarter.”

Critical Path
The actions that results in the success of a particularly mission. The things must happen for something to succeed.
“The press release is not that important. Closing the deal is the critical path.”

Hockey Stick
It’s the wooden instrument used in the sport ice hockey. The shape represents the steep incline upward along the handle. Hence, many VCs and entrepreneurs refer to the visual representation of a hockey stick to suggest revenues that rise steeply upwards. A company with a hockey stick revenue model is one that can perhaps successfully IPO.
“Fred, your business is very interesting and profitable, but I don’t see any hockey stick. How can I invest if there is no big return on my investment?”

“Go Postal”
Go crazy and kill people at your work. Americans use the term “go postal” to describe someone who can not take the pressure of their work and decides to take their aggressions out on their fellow employees. There are unfortunately numerous examples of US Postal workers who have taken up arms against their fellow employees. Presumably because the press of the job was too intense.
“We better give them a weekend off. We don’t want them to Go Postal.”

Drive it home
Push it until it’s succeeds. From US baseball where the home base is where batters try to drive the runners to.
“Don’t waste time in the negotiation. Drive it home.”

Struck out
In baseball, if you have three strikes thrown at you, you loss your turn at bat. If you struck out, you lose your chance.
“I tired to get it done for this quarter, but I struck out.”

Slam dunk
This is a term from US basketball, where a player slams the ball throw the net with great force. It means something that is a success.
“Don’t worry about the IBM deal. It’s a slam dunk.”

Flip it
To see or liquidate something quickly.
“I don’t care about the lone term value of this company. I just want to flip it.”

Kiss ass
You say nice things to your superior so they will favor you even though the things you say may not be true.
“That guy is such kiss ass. He always tells the boss that ugly shirt is handsome.”

Brown Nose
Someone who kisses ass so much, their nose has become brown with the shit of their superior.
“That lady is such brown nose. I can’t believe the boss puts up with her flattery.”

Kiss up kick down
Someone to be said of someone who treats his or her superiors very well, but treats his or her subordinates very poorly. Meaning they kiss the ass of their superiors and kick the people below them.
“He was a terrible boss – a real kiss up kiss down guy, no one likes to work with him.”

===========================================
The following was posted on 1/17/2006
I am a burger and beer guy
A CEO asked his Director of Marketing to arrange a dinner for the sales team. The Director of Marketing came back with a few fancy choices. Then the CEO said “I am a burger and beer guy”.
What the CEO meant is he is not fancy and wanted to keep it simple.

Are you game?
A husband said to wife “going to the zoo would be a good plan for Sunday. Are you game?”
Wife said “Yeah, I game”.
What she meant she would like to go to the zoo.

Cut a deal
If someone says they want to 'cut a deal' they are not saying they want to stop the deal. They are saying they want to make a deal with you.

Cut it out
If someone says, 'cut it out,' that means 'stop, stop it, cut it out.

Sweeten this deal
If you 'sweeten a deal' you are adding something to that deal, maybe extra money for the other person or you are bringing down the price or you are giving them some extra advantages.

Blow the deal
You certainly don’t want to blow the deal if you want to cut a deal with someone. In other words, you don’t want to ruin it.

You are a wheeler-dealer
It means you are really good negotiator.

Pull the trigger
It means – let’s do it – we need to pull the trigger on this project and get it underway.

Crack the code
It means figuring something out – if we can’t crack the code on this issue, then we’ll be really in trouble.

Peel the onion
It means digging into something to reveal more details/issues/problems – once we have the financial statement ready, we’ll be able to peel the onion even further and figure out why we paid too much on tax.

How to eat. . .

2006-01-16T23:35:00.000-08:00

This “how to eat” section was inspired by a CAEA fine dinning event dating back to Oct. 2005. The participants raised some great questions, like: how do you butter bread, what you do with butter if it is still frozen, how you eat fruit at a dinner table etc.

One of them was puzzled by the fact that Americans enjoy eating artichokes. “I don’t understand what they eat. There’s nothing there. It’s just some leaves with a very dry taste.” He said.

Someone added “it’s the same feeling for Americans to see Chinese people eating chicken feet. We think it’s delicious but they say there is nothing on it except the dry skin.” Then everyone wanted to know how to actually cook artichokes. When they learned that the heart is actually quiet tasteful served with melted butter or sauce. But in order to get the tasty heart, you need to be very patient with peeling away towards it, leaf by leaf.

We have listed some of questions that were asked at the event below. We will continue to update the list as we receive more questions. The reference source is from Emily Post’s party and dinning tips.

How to eat grapes?

When pulling grapes off a bunch, don’t pull them one at a time. Instead, break off a branch bearing several grapes from the main stem. If the grapes have seeds, eat them in one of two ways: 1) Lay a grape on its side, pierce the center with the point of a knife, and lift and remove the seeds. 2) Put a grape in your mouth whole, deposit the seeds into your thumb and first two fingers, and place the seed on your plate.

How to eat artichokes?
Artichoke leaves are always eaten with the fingers. Pluck off a leaf on the outside, dip its meaty base into the melted butter or sauce provided, then place it between your front teeth and pull forward. Continue leaf by leaf, placing discarded leaves on the edge of your plate _or on a plate provided for the purpose), until you’ve reached the artichoke’s thistlelike choke or when the leaves are too small or meatless. Use your knife to slice off the remaining leaves and the choke, exposing the artichoke heart. Then cut the heart into bite-sized pieces and eat it with a fork, dipping each forkful into the melted butter or sauce.

How to eat Sandwiches and Wraps?
Sandwiches more than an inch thick should be cut into halves or quarters before being picked up and held in the fingers of both hands – although a sandwich of any size can be eaten with a knife and fork. A knife and fork are always used for a hot open-faced sandwich covered in gravy or sauce.

Wraps – Burritos, gyros and other sandwiches in which the filling is wrapped ion thin, flat bread are more easily eaten with hands. Any filling that falls to the plate is eaten with a fork.

How to eat bread?
Before eating bread, use your fingers to break it into moderate-sized (not bit –sized) pieces. Then butter the bread one piece at a time. Holding it against your plate, not in your hand. Hot biscuit halves and toast can be buttered all over at once because they taste best when the butter is melted.

If a restaurant serves an entire round loaf of bread on a cutting board, use the accompanying bread knife to cut it slices rather than wedges. Start at one side by cutting a thin slice of crust, then slice toward the center.

How to eat bacon?
Eat fried bacon as a finger food when it is dry, crisp and served whole. If the bacon is broken into bits, served in thick slices (as with Canadian bacon), or limp, eat it with knife and fork as you would any other meat.

How to eat cheese?
When served as an hors d’oeuvre, cheese is cut or spread on a cracker with a knife. Provide a separate knife for each cheese so that the individual flavors won’t mingle.

When cheese is served with fruit for dessert, it is sliced and placed on the plate with the fruit. Like the fruit, it is eaten with a knife and fork, not with the fingers.

When an after –dinner cheese course is ordered at a restaurant, the cheese will come arranged on plates centered with bread or crackers, a piece of fruit, or perhaps a small fruitcake of some sort. Cheeses served on bread or crackers are eaten with the fingers, but a knife and fork are used for everything on a place holding cheeses and fruit or fruitcake (the cheeses are eaten separately so that the full flavor comes through). Start with the milder cheeses and progress to the strongest.

How to eat baked potatoes (white and sweet)?
Baked white potatoes and sweet potatoes can be eaten in more than one way. The most common is to slit the top lengthwise with a knife, push on each end of the potato to open it wide, and mash some of the flesh with a fork. An alternative is to slice the potato clean through and lay the hovels skin-down side by side.

Add butter, salt, and pepper (plus extras like sour cream, cheese, or bacon bits, if desired) and use your fork to mash the additions lightly into the flesh before taking a forkful from the shell.

Another method is to slice the potato in half lengthwise and use your fork to scoop the flesh of both halves onto your plate. Neatly, stack the skins together on the edge of your plate and mix butter and any other condiments into the flesh with your fork.

If you like to eat the skin as well as the flesh, cut the potato into tow halves and use your knife and fork to cut the potato and skin into bite-sized pieces, one or two at a time.

How to eat bananas?
At an informal dinner, it’s fine to peel a banana and eat it out of hand; just peel it gradually, not all at once. At a more formal dinner, follow your fellow diners’ lead on whether to use fingers or fork. When a banana is eaten with a fork, the banana is peeled completely (the skin goes onto the edge of the plat) and cut into slices, a few at a time.

being knowledgeable about wine provides an edge in social and professional settings

2005-12-19T22:59:00.000-08:00

by Laurent Guinand

In the summer of 2005, I had the opportunity to present two wine-tasting events organized by Vida Zhang Farigs, President of the Chinese-American Etiquette Association (CAEA) in Silicon Valley to a group of Asian-American individuals (mostly Chinese). The events were followed by a dinner where people could drink their preferred wines.

In both events, I had mixed white and red wines, single varietals and blends, light bodied and full bodied wines, new world and old world wines in order to provide a wide variety of taste, textures and aromas to our guest’s palate.

I provided techniques to taste the wines, recognize the flavors and the aromas and help people distinguish between what they enjoy and what they did not like. I also provided a number of insights into several subjects:

- Wine etiquette at the restaurant, at a wine store and at dinner parties
- Pairing wines and Asian food (principles and examples)
- New World Wines versus Old World Wines
- Food and wine pairing for European Cuisines
- Finding good value wines

I tremendously enjoyed my time with the two groups and I came back to the East coast with three main insights:

1. Our groups clearly preferred red wines and people were not shy about medium to full bodied wines. This was a surprise to me. In societies where wine is not central to the culture, there is usually a progression in the taste and appreciation of wine. Indeed, when people come to the age of drinking they tend to prefer beer or hard liquor (cocktails). They then move on to
white wines and or pinkish wines (blush or rosés).

Some of them stay there, but many people then jump to red wines, preferring single varietals and light bodied wines such as Gamay, Pinot Noir or Merlot. With time and maturity, there is another migration towards full bodied and more complex wines such as Red Zinfandel, Tempranillo, Cabernet Sauvignon and blends such as Bordeaux blends (also called Meritage in the US) and Rhone Valley Blends (Syrah / Grenache / etc…).

It seems that our group was naturally attracted to complex and sophisticated wines from the get go. I was personally very impressed by that fact.

2. Our groups were very inquisitive. I responded to many questions on why the wines tasted so differently, the wine making process, pairing food and wines and of course wine etiquette. I rarely find that level of curiosity and enthusiasm. I believe it was in part driven by the fact that most members of our groups are not only interested by wine for themselves, but also for professional reasons.

Knowing a bit about wines really helps in professional settings (restaurants, social dinners and even parties) in the US. Our guests recognize that the US itself is evolving from a beer society to a wine society and that there are many Americans who are quite passionate and knowledgeable about wine. Similarly to golf, being knowledgeable about wine provides an edge in social and professional settings. And our group is right: if you look at the statistics, the US will become the largest wine market in the world in a couple of years, ahead of France and Italy. So I can only applaud the group’ sense of anticipation.

3. Finally, our groups really enjoyed the experience of identifying and articulating their personal preferences. Participants were not only able to learn about wines in social settings but also were able to identify wines they liked from wines they did not like. We compared a couple of
interesting etiquette stories such as the half glass full being the norm in Europe (so that you can swirl the wine and enjoy the aromas) as opposed to the full glass in China as a sign that you are not "cheating" your customer or guest. I also learned a great deal during these sessions and I want to take this opportunity to thank all participants for their input and questions.

I certainly hope that I will be given the opportunity to present more wine seminars to these wonderful groups in the future.

Laurent Guinand is the President of GiraMondo Wine Adventures. He is based in Washington, DC. Laurent designs and presents Wine Tasting Seminars all around the World. He can be reached at lguinand@yahoo.com.

How Do They Celebrate Christmas?

2005-12-19T22:06:00.000-08:00

A quote from Linda C.Y. Pei - President and Founder of Women's Equity Fund, which is the only women's equity fund in the world. Linda is on the CAEA Advisory Board and based in San Francisco.

My husband was raised Catholic but he is not a practicing Catholic anymore. We do observe Christmas and decorate the yard with lights and wreath and inside the house with Christmas tree and decorations - lots of nut cackers big and small.

For Christmas eve, we usually have a simple dinner - pasta often and my daughter always makes chocolate cookiers. When she was younger we would make as a family. She will save a plate full of cookies for Santa and leave it near the fireplace along with a glass of milk. She would write a note for Santa and leave it next to the cookies. (She is now 15 but still goes through the ritual, even though she knows Santa is really Dad). My husband always reat the cookies and drink half of the milk.

On Christmas morning, they always wake up before the parents (this is never the case during the rest of the year). They would come wake us up and are entitled to open the gifts in the stockings, hanging at the fireplace mantle. We then all go down for breakfast. The kids will play santa by distributing the gifts in turn. They would open all the gifts and end up playing with new toys the rest of the day. We have a Christmas dinner. Sometimes I cook duck or goose if I can find one and other times turkey or ham - and the side dishes - US style.

A quote from Dan Newman - Musician

If someone asks me at a party I'd say:

"well I don't celebrate christmas really, because I am jewish, although sometimes we celebrate because my sister in law is from a christian background. so we may give gifts at their house and they may have a christmas tree with presents under it for the kids. christmas is indeed a fun holiday."

A quote from liwen Huang - Director of Marketing, Pegasus Aviation Finance Company

To be honest, my history of celecrating Xmas is not very long. The celebrations were quite different from each other between in China and in US.

In China, there is no Xmas holidays,as you know. Therefore, Xmas is an event for younger generation. I don't know others, but for me and my friends, we used Xmas as an execuse to have a lot parties - hosting or attending parties. Eating is not so important in China. Sometime, we went to hotel to have expensive Xmas dinner. Xmas dinner in Chinese hotels serves turkey. Some time, we just hang out together to have dinner in whatever resturant we like.

In US, I still think turkey would be the traditional Xmas dinner. I still think, Xmas like Thanksgiving, is a traditional holidays for family memebers reunion. As an new immigrant, well, if I stay at home for Xmas, I will cook turkey. If I take this holidays as my vacations, I still want to have some turkey for my Xmas dinner.

Going to church by the year end would be good, although I am not a Christian. Spend some time at a sacred place to be a bit spiritual is good for a year-end conclusion.

A quote from Ming Lung Lee, President, Bridgewell, Inc.

We celebrate Christmas alone or travel afar to celebrate it together with relatives.

Celebrating Christmas begins with house decoration and gift shopping. Often but not always we put up a Christmas tree, large or small, with ornaments. We also have Christmas lights and let the Christmas music fill the atmosphere.

Christmas dinner is always special--a bit formal, with special food and drinks and abundance.

Gift opening under the Christmas tree after the dinner is always fun and exciting. Afterwards, we sing together and play music instruments--there are plenty of musicians in the family and even more instruments in the house.

Midnight mass marks another important Christmas activity of ours. It also closes the curtain on our Christmas Eve celebration.

A quote from Laurent Guinand - President and Founder of GiraMondo Associates LLC. Laurent is on the CAEA Advisory Board and based in Washington.

Here are a couple of things regarding how we celebrate Christmas in France:
1. We usually spend Christmas eve in one family and Christmas day in the other (mum’s and dad’s family)
2. The Christmas eve dinner is usually composed of 3 main dishes:

a.A buffet of appetizers that can include: foiegras, raw oysters, cooked shrimp, cooked crawfish, smoked salmon, toast and salads
b. A Turkey with chestnuts (Traditional dish)
c.A "Buche de Noel" which is a ice-cream cake shape like a log

3.Christian families go to mass at midnight and when they come back they have dessert
4. Kids discover their gifts under the Christmas tree in the morning. They are usually quite excited and wake up the entire house way before parents would like it to.
5.On the day of Christmas, there is usually a cult movie called "Peau d’Ane" aka "Magic Donkey" with Catherine Deneuve where a fairy godmother helps a
princess disguise herself so she won't have to marry a man she doesn't love.

A quote from Beth Fargis-Lancaster - Executive Producer of Vassar College and New York Stage and Film's Powerhouse Theater. Beth is on the CAEA Advisory Board and lives in New York.

I love Christmas and I come from a long line of people who also loved Christmas.Some of my traditions.Eating fish Christmas Eve. In the Catholic liturgy Advent, the four weeks prior to Christmas is a time of preparing for The Birth of Jesus. Historically on the last day of Advent,, Christmas Eve fish was eaten, no meat, to prepare for the birth of Christ. at 12 midnight.

Advent isn't practiced in my home but we still keep a few traditions. We eat fish on Christmas Eve ...It can be fancy fish like lobster or something simpler. I have kept the tradition from my mother and grandmother. We always have a rather "fancy" dinner on Christmas Eve and when my children are away I invite people who would be alone to our home for Christmas Eve. For some people the thought of being alone on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day is horrid. Other people don't mind.

We always decorate the house for Christmas and have many treasures passed down from my mother. I decorate the mantle with pine bows and always have plenty of candles burning and my husband has fires in both fireplaces as it can get cold here.. When my grandchildren are coming we usually put up two Christmas Trees, one in the living room and one in the great room. It is a lot of work getting it up and taking it down. but I do love the excitement for children and the way my house looks on Christmas. Each of the precious ornaments are wrapped in tissue paper and need to be re wrapped when put away. I will pass the Christmas ornaments on to my children.

I don't like to bake but I do love to cook and have prepared lots of yummy things for Christmas dinners in the past. pheasant, goose, duck, roast beef, crown roast of pork and lamb. I always set the table with good china, silver and crystal. I always use a linen tablecloth but in the last few years I have gotten smart and take the table cloths to the cleaners. We play lots of traditional Christmas music during the season and we always go into New York City to see the tree at Rockefeller Center. New York is a beautiful city at Christmas.

When we have been in San Francisco we stop in to see the big hotels that are decorated beautifully.If my grand daughters lived near buy I would take them to the Nutcracker Ballet and to see A Christmas Carol or to a Christmas concert so they could see live seasonal entertainment. Plus I would take them to see whoever is the BEST Santa in San Francisco. The one we went to see a few years ago in Macy's kept taking a break?I don't think Santa should take a break at Christmas and keep little children waiting in the basement of Macy's.

We send Christmas cards to friends and family but not nearly the number of cards that my parents use to send. My husband puts individual letters into cards to people we haven't seen during the year.Our family has always been very extravagant at Christmas. I had very generous parents and grandparents and I have kept up the tradition sometimes to the detriment of my master card bill in January. It is worth it to me as it only happens once a year.

Merry Christmas to all!

A quote from Douglas Lancaster - a retired professor at Cornell University. Doug lives in New York.

As you will see, these traditions vary greatly depending on ethnicity and religion. My family loved Christmas and my two sisters and I looked forward to it. The Christmas tree was obtained by dad and we put it up at least one week before Christmas. All of us contributed to the decorations of the tree. We had lots of ornaments and colored lights for the tree. And we popped corn and made a garland that we wrapped around the tree consisting of popcorn and cranberries strung on string.

Before we went to bed, we always placed a plate of cookies and a glass of milk on the piano for Santa. And we set up our stockings on the mantle over the fireplace. After we went to bed
and fell asleep, my parents would go downstairs and set presents from Santa under the tree.
Although many of our friends opened presents on Christmas morning, many did so on Christmas Eve.

We went to church (Methodist) for a short service on Christmas Eve. Early on Christmas morning we pestered mom and dad, asking if we could get up and go down stairs. After washing
up and putting on our bathrobes and slippers we waited at the top of the stairs until they went down to see if Santa had come during the night. Dad would light a fire in the fireplace, eat a piece of cookie, and drink some of the milk so that would be assured that Santa had come.

Our Christmas day meal was always a turkey which we ate in mid-afternoon. Mother did alot of baking at Christmas. Our favorite was a fruit cake. We also had a plum pudding for our dessert, which is typically English. Religion did not play a strong role in our Çhristmas.

The Top 5 Christmas Books, Songs and Movies

2005-12-19T21:42:00.000-08:00

The Top 5 Christmas Books, Songs and Movies listed here are recommended by Michael Buckley, the author of “The Sisters Grimm” - the NY Times Best Seller for children. Michael is one of the special guest speakers for our CAEA members. If you would like to invite Michael to speak at your organization about children books/movies, please drop us a line at info@chinaetiquette.net

The Top 5 Christmas Books
1. The Night Before Christmas by Clement Clarke Moore - a classic tale of one man's encounter with Santa Claus.
2. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens - a story everybody in America cherishes. Scrooge's transformation is a valuable lesson about greed that is still as important today as it was a hundred years ago.
3. In God We Trust; All Others Pay Cash by Jean Shepherd. A collection of hilarious holiday stories based on the author's experiences growing up in Cleveland, Ohio in the 50's. The basis for the classic movie "A Christmas Story." This is a laugh out loud reading.
4. How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss - kids books don't get any better than this. A Holiday classic for every age.
5. The Gift of the Magi by O. Henry - a tale of the sacrifices we make for loved ones.

The Top 5 Christmas Songs
1.Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - this song is such a classic it would seem to be hundreds of years old when in fact it was written in the late fifties.
2. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - this is one that I've heard a million times and never fails to make me smile.
3. Grandma Got Run Over by A Reindeer - Hilarious and sweet. This is one that makes you want to laugh and call Granny to make sure she's OK.
4. Silent Night - Bing Crosby is only one of a million people who have sung this song but his version always chokes me up. A beautiful song that reminds us what Christmas is really about.
5. Jingle Bell Rock - everyone has done this song but I think Brenda Lee nailed it best.

The Top 5 Christmas Movies
1. A Christmas Story - the funniest holiday movie ever. Everyone in it is a comic genius and its sweet, family-oriented humor never gets stale or old-fashioned. Every kid should see this film.
2. It's A Wonderful Life - absolutely the best holiday movie ever made. This is the basis of about a million other movies. Jimmy Stewart was never better.
3. Miracle on 34th Street - a heartwarming story for those who have forgotten the magic of Christmas.
4. Scrooged - Bill Murray is so great in this retelling of "A Christmas Carol."
5. The Nightmare Before Christmas - Tim Burton's stop-motion classic tells the story of Jack Pumpkinhead, the king of Halloween, who decides Christmas could use a little jolt of scary fun. This can be a little dark for toddlers but young kids will probably enjoy the humor and creativity of the story.

Bright or blue, I am a style-conscious woman

2005-11-30T21:20:00.000-08:00

By Judi Yang

I change my shoes, coats, and handbags according to my mood. When I feel bright everything shines around me. So I change into bright and colorful. When I feel blue, then the dark colors will be my choice. Bright or blue, I am a style-conscious woman.

Most style-conscious women like diamonds and pearls. However, more and more of them start to fall in love with watches. They adore watches as timepieces and as a center of their style. Men can be style-conscious too. They change their shoes, ties and belts everyday depending on occasions.

More and more men visit jewelry stores for watches. They like watches as much as women like diamonds. Why? Watches can tell something about who they are or who it was that gave it to them or point is they are at in their lives. A new trend in fashion today is having a watch to match your dress for a particular occasion. Watches are no longer simply a time piece. They are becoming an important fashion accessory. Fashionable watches can be grouped into three categories: business, evening, and casual. You need a business watch to match a business suit. You need an evening watch to match a formal evening dress.

In the working place, a great watch can individualize one’s business attire. Patek Philippe, Rolex and Cartier are all great choices for a vintage style. Patek Philippe is famous for its construction and passion for details. It is regarded as the finest watch in the world. Rolex is a very classic, popular brand. Cartier is known for its elegance and unique design. The two-tone (steel and gold) Rolex Oyster Date just is a must, as it works virtually for any occasions. You could wear it to work, or a high- powered business lunch, to the bar or a dinner party. I have been wearing it for a long time. Every time I need a quick accessory, I will think about my Rolex right away.

Patek Philippe is famous for its accuracy and simple elegance. In its own words: you never own a Patek Philippe; you only take care of it for the next generation. Why? Because it’s not only a timepiece that can give you time with no error, it will last forever for its design and construction. The simple design of Patek Philippe makes it forever fashionable.

Cartier’s Roadster is another favorite watch of mine. It’s design emphases on speed and agility. If you put it on, you can see the two headlights and two taillights. You can also spot the big alloy wheel by the side. The dial reminds you of the dashboard of a sports car. It does not look like a watch any more. It is a sports car. Wearing it makes you think about speed right away. Can you imagine driving a Porsche with a Roadster on your wrist?

For lady’s elegant evening look with well tailored dress, Patek Philippe’s Twenty-four collection, Cartier’s Tankissime and Rolex’s President are precious choices. Each of these watches is decorated with shining diamonds and can be worn as a bracelet to match evening dresses, or as an anchor of fashion for others accessories to match.

To me, watches I wear reflect my taste of life. A Rolex, or a Patek Philippe shows that you are serious about your business. A watch with dazzling diamonds will match beautifully with your evening gown, but may be too shiny for your jeans and sneakers. For the jeans and sneakers, you may consider a funkier watch that has a larger face or a trendy colored dial. A Roadster should be your choice when you feel that there is no limitation in your life and freedom is your dream. No matter what watch you wear at whatever occasion, enjoy it and make sure it’s part of your fashion.