Gift giving customs between Chinese and American cultures

-by Pearl Lin Ulrich

It’s the time of a year to give gifts again! Having lived on both sides of the pacific, I find it interesting to compare gift giving customs between Chinese and American cultures.

Chinese people give money as a gift for almost every occasion—from celebrating birth to a condolence at a funeral. If a physical gift is given, it’s normally with large monetary value. Chinese people think a pricy gift will not only please the recipient but also make themselves look good. Americans think “it’s the thought that counts”, gifts might not be expensive, but full of special thoughts which could be a combination of creativity, thoughtfulness and sense of humor from a gift giver. When my daughter was born in Taiwan, my American husband was very surprised at how much gold jewelry she received as gifts, and they were not even from close friends or relatives. He thought people were far too generous. At my grandfather-in-law’s 80th surprise birthday party which was also the first birthday party I attended after coming to the US, people surprised him at a banquet room on a university campus and he was all tears. I was so touched that I cried too. The friend that put the party together asked no gifts from the guests but instead had people write about their special memories with grandpa and provide a picture they had with grandpa, she then put everything nicely in a scrapbook, and gave it to grandpa at the party as his gift. Grandpa read the scrapbook, he laughed and laughed, he was so happy and that was when I realized that money couldn’t buy everything and the best gift should come from the heart.

When receiving a present, Americans open it in front of gift givers to show how much they appreciate the gift while Chinese prefer to open presents without the presence of gift givers. I coached my kids at early age to take time opening a present, appreciate it and thank the gift giver sincerely no matter what. I’ve seen kids opening presents and said “Oh, no, I don’t need anymore clothes!”, “Oh, I already have this toy”, “Books again?!” The ungrateful comments will not only hurt people’s feeling but also make the occasion really awkward. At times, I think kids should open presents without the presence of gift givers unless they have been well coached.


An American will ask what you or your child wants as a gift for a special occasion, and it’s ok to mention a gift within a reasonable price range when asked. Chinese don’t feel comfortable asking for what they want, and it is considered rude to even ask for a present. Nowadays, Americans are big on gift registry. They register at department stores or specialty stores for their weddings, showers, graduations and even birthdays. The recipients get exactly what they want and at the same time, saving gift givers the guess work. However the thoughts that used to be special about gift giving and the surprise of opening a present are lost.

Some Chinese people are superstitious so there are certain things that you want to avoid giving as gifts, like a clock. “Giving a clock” in Chinese sounds like “Farewell at the death bed”. Giving a knife symbolizes cutting off a relationship and giving an umbrella will cause separation. You also don’t want to give a male friend a green hat, because that means his wife is cheating on him! When giving money as a gift to Chinese people, even numbers are preferred with exception of four which sounds like death in Chinese. Six and eight are the lucky numbers. For celebration, you want to put the money in a red envelope; for a condolence, use a white envelope instead with money that ends with a odd number.

There are no real taboos on gift giving for Americans, but it’s always a good idea to know the person well and be sensitive. For example, you don’t want to give someone with weight problems something that says “low fat” or “low calorie”, your good intention could be offensive. Don’t give people fragrant products if they have sensitive skin or allergy problems. Be aware of people’s religion; don’t give alcohol or caffeinated products to Mormons. Not quite sure what to give for your American friends? Ask them! Gift cards or certificates to their favorite stores or restaurants are usually safe.

Gift giving is a form of art. What you give as a gift projects your recipient’s character and reflects your taste. At this season, give thoughtfully and receive gratefully.

Happy holidays!!