She didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all my fault

-by Pearl Lin Ulrich

I was in the drive-through lane ready to pick up my daughter after school. All the friendly faces and the hustle and bustle were familiar other than my daughter, Ally. Instead of chatting with her friends like she normally did, she was sobbing. “What’s wrong, Sweetie?” I got out of the car and rushed to her side. “Andrew kicked me on my knee.” She was all tears. “Andrew? Andrew who?” There were quite a few Andrew in school. “Andrew Donaldson.” I was more shocked than angry when I heard that name.

I had lived in my city long enough to know the Donaldson’s was politically powerful. The boy’s grandpa was a state assemblyman and his father was a councilman. During the last election season, Andrew Donaldson was on a campaign commercial for his grandpa on TV, and became quite a celebrity in the community.

“Why did he kick you?” I asked. “For no reason.” He came to me, kicked me on my knee, and said ‘I just like to kick girls’ and ran away.” Ally was so hurt that her voice trembled. I soon confirmed the incident with other students and the traffic guard. Andrew was nowhere to be seen at that point. I checked Ally’s knee really well, she didn’t have a broken bone, but her knee was swollen. I knew I had to do something, but what and how? I thought I would avoid the confrontation with Andrew’s parents by just talking to Ally’s teacher the next day and let her convey the message to them. After all, I was a little concern about how this politically powerful family will react.

My husband came home late that night. He had a different point of view after I told him what had happened. He said “I would have called Andrew’s parents right away. If our kids did something wrong at school, we would like to be informed right away, wouldn’t we? It takes a whole village to raise a child; we are as responsible for others’ children as for ours. We need to let other parents know about their kids’ inappropriate behavior; we are doing the society a favor by doing that.” That was quite a new concept for me. Growing up, my parents had always discouraged tattletale; you don’t weigh in others’ business unless it happens under your roof. But I suddenly realized that my passive action in this case was not only failing to protect my own child but also selfish in terms of not regarding the action of others’ child as a personal responsibility. It was already late at that time, so I decided to call Andrew’s parents first thing in the morning.

Ally was still limping in the morning; I decided to keep her home. Looked into the phone book, I found the Donaldson’s number. “Hello, this is David.” the councilman sounded friendly. I briefly introduced myself and asked him if he knew about the incident happened yesterday. “No, I didn’t know that… Are they friends?” He probably thought maybe they were playing around. “Mr. Donaldson, even friends shouldn’t hurt one another.” I said. “You are right and I am sorry…can I have my wife, Lisa, call you back? She’s in the shower right now but will call you back shortly.”

Lisa Donaldson called back in ten minutes; she apologized and insisted to come over to my house with Andrew right away. I told her it was not necessary and Andrew would be late for school if he came now. She said it was very important for them to come, and basically “begged” me to give them couple minutes.

Ten minutes later, they showed up at my door, both with red, teary eyes. It was obvious that they had a very serious talk on their way here. “Andrew, what are you going to say to Mr. and Mrs. Ulrich?” Lisa demanded firmly. I was waiting to hear his side of the story, and thought perhaps Ally had said or done something to provoke him. Andrew looked at us first, and then took a deep breath to look at the ceiling as though if he looked somewhere else his tears would fall and he talked in a well-coached manner: “Mr. and Mrs. Ulrich, I am very sorry for hurting Ally. She didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all my fault.”

I was surprised that he didn’t’ defend himself at all; I was so touched, this boy with tears in his eyes, not only showed his sorry sincerely, but also took the full responsibility for what he had done. I thought of George Washington and his cherry tree, the courage, honesty and integrity he possessed as a child. I thought of some of the Chinese saints who had an amazing mother teaching them important lessons at young age. I knew I had to give Lisa credit, she had coached Andrew what to say and showed him how disappointed and upset she was for his inconsiderate action. I wanted to give this boy a hug and told him it was ok, but before I did that, my husband said to him: “What you did was not ok, but we appreciate you coming here to make things right.” Andrew promised that it would never happen again and he also apologized to Ally and asked how her knee was. Ally said she was feeling better. I could tell she was feeling a lot better by just getting the apology from Andrew.

As I watched them leave, I suddenly understood how the Donaldsons had gained their respect from the community. It was their principle and discipline that brought them power. How they raised their children says a lot about their family and how they handled a situation like this demonstrates the family’s integrity and leadership skills. I had no doubt about their political status would stay strong, but more importantly I felt lucky to have this family in my community and to represent people in my city.

I have ever since taught my kids that whenever they make a mistake, admit it, apologize from their hearts, remember their mistake so they don’t make the same mistake again and move on. People respect you more when you take the responsibility rather than making excuses, and people do forgive you-- if you are sincere.