Happy Valentine’s Day . . . fall in love again!

By Judi Yang

Most of us spend precious time to find the right partner for our lives. After we reach the highest point of dating, marriage becomes the most important milestone. But as time goes by, things change. Many people have experienced the disappointment of seeing the feelings of love from the early days of marriage fade. If you are one of those who have had this feeling, you may want to reconsider whether your love has truly faded and if so, why. Have you ever tried to make your marriage stronger and healthier after so many years? I hope we can all do something to make our love better and our life happier. Love takes time to grow, especially after the initial excitement of being wed.

The first thing we can do is to be honest and to trust each other. True love is based on faith and trust. We should all open to faith, to trust, to believing in the best of each other. If we know we are wrong, the best thing to do is to be honest and to tell the truth. Then we can go one step further to make necessary changes. Words can be cheap. Be sure to put your words into action. Doing so will set a wonderful example for your husband or wife, your children, and the world around you.

Then we should learn to care each other better. Family is the space defined by love. If we live like roommates, I do not know how long the relationship will last and who it will be that will move out first. We not only need to share the burden of making money, we also need to share the love for each other, to share the love for children, and to share all the work to make the home filled with love. Everybody wants to be cared for. For example, men need regular physical and dental checks but they tend to forget about them. Women could help them by finding doctors, making appointments and reminding them of the dates. The small things demonstrate your love and caring toward him. In return, he will appreciate it and care for you all the more.

New research from Harvard Medical School finds that couples expressing the most empathy and affection are the most likely to stay together. We should all follow the principle of trying to understand first before looking to be understood. Also we should choose our words carefully communicating with each other in the family. People may think that since they are husband and wife, they could be especially straightforward. Wrong. We have to remember that the emotional bank account concept applies to everybody, even members of a family. If you withdraw too much without depositing, you will end up bankrupt. Smooth, considerate communication will bring us so much joy. The etiquette of communication affects our daily life, in your house and in mine.

Honesty, trust, caring and better communications are key to grow our love. Marriage should never be the tomb of love. If we spend time and resources to nurture it, marriage could easily become the garden of love and we will see flowers of love bloom. Love is fun. I sincerely wish all couples could bring the sparkle of love back to their lives. Happy Valentine’s Day . . . fall in love again!

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The intimate words for your Valentine’s Day

It's time to start thinking about Valentine's Day. With the big success of “Taking a shower after cooking Chinese food” from last Valentine’s Day, we are encouraged to push the romantic theme a little bit further this year – sharing some essential intimate words you could whisper to your loved ones.

Please say it in English and don’t try to translate them into Chinese. Keep them original and explore the beauty of your sexuality and intimacy for the 2006 Valentine’s Day. Make our Valentine’s Day a fun and sexy one!

We'll update the words biweekly. Please be sure to come back.

You are not a vanilla Chinese girl.
It means you are very adventurous sexually.

The missionary position
It means traditional sex with a man on top of a woman.

You are so dreamy
It means so beautiful and sexy.

Turn ons
It means things get you excited. “Long black hair and big butts are my turn ons.”

Turn offs
It means things that ruin the sexual mood for another person.
“Eating in bed is a big turn off for me”

I have a crush on you
It means suddenly and strongly enamored with someone. “I had a crush on you the first time I saw you.”

Safe sex
It means sex where precaution has been taken not only against pregnancy but also against sexually transmitted diseases. Usually sex with condom considered safe sex.

French kiss
When two people kiss each other with their tongues. “He gives me French kisses. It feels so good. Not like the vanilla kisses from the guy before him.”

Love handle
Excess fat on the hips, which your partner can take a hold of like handles. “It looks like you have some love handles there. Did you eat a lot during the Chinese New Year?”

Incurable romantic
Someone who exhibits excessive romantic behavior. “He buys roses for her every day. He’s incurable romantic.”

(To be continued.)

I thanked the friend and put it on the shelf

By Brian O'Flan

I brought some bottles of wine to my friend's for Chinese New Year. It was nothing too special, but drinkable. Scrumptious feasts of Chun Jie-past were often compromised at this particular friend's house by jug wine. So while it wouldn't be appropriate to bring my own jiaozi to bao, at least I could contribute to the libations. They were ready for me though. They had a bottle of red there this year, to compliment the MaoTai. Sipping, I waited.

By the time we'd moved from jiaozi to hot-pot we'd finished this first bottle. I had my eye on the Zinfandel we'd brought. It looked so lonely sitting there on the shelf. But it was not to be. They reached in and pulled out another bottle of red that they had at the ready. Sipping, I acknowledged that this wine of theirs OK. It was fine. It just wasn't as good as the food we were enjoying.

And as I poked around the hot pot, looking for pieces of do fu, I recalled a Thanksgiving from a few years back when these friends had been my guests. A friend of theirs who'd accompanied them brought a bottle of some bai jiu. I thanked the friend and put it on the shelf. Later when some Western friends arrived with a bottle of fancy wine they insisted on opening it and pouring some for everyone, immediately. In muted Chinese, I could hear the friend comment that we hadn't done the same with their bottle. And she was right. I'm certainly no better. They probably endured the evening with their lonely bottle staring down at them from the shelf I'd laid it on. We're all the same, when were hosting.

In Western culture its OK enjoy the food or drink, which a guest brings to dinner. It is also OK not to use it, if it doesn’t fit with the menu. I wonder if my Chinese hosts considered it bad form, to serve the beverages I’d brought. On the other hand, maybe they just didn’t think it would taste good.

I think the message is that the guest should relax and let the host, host. If you’re the guest take cue from the hosting culture. Don't get hung up on having whatever it is you brought acknowledged. As a guest you should let person who threw it all together to do their thing. Yours is to enjoy, or endure, but not to lead.

(Brian O'Flan is a columnist for CAEA newsletter)